My husband "opens up" after he hurts me, so I end up giving HIM sympathy and support and my problems don t get addressed. What should I do?

Please require that your husband join you in marital counseling immediately. It's a way to get him in the door without pointing fingers. And it'll be a blessing for you. Him sobbing as he does clarifies that he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do. You aren't selfish. He's troubled and likely has troubles you'll never know about but that he needs to find counseling for. Marriage counseling does not always solve marital issues but it can aid the individuals in taking responsibility for their own junk. Important stuff. If he won't go.. go without him. It can be just as important to understand our own patterns as it is to understand our partner's.

He’s just a cry baby and still uses this like he is a child and it works!

He's either a class A manipulator or a seriously emotionally dysfunctional person (or both). Either way, if you have ANY desire to remain married to him, insist you two get into couples counseling AND that he get solo counseling as well. Anyone with the issues you describe him having claimed to have, needs therapy, but solo therapy wouldn't help YOU to understand his behavior nor how to deal with your feelings about it, so that's where the couples counseling/therapy comes in.

If you and/or he aren't into counseling or getting emotional help, then expect more of the status quo unless you leave him. Personally, I'd have been LONG GONE. Whether he's really got a lot of emotional baggage that's screwed him up, or he's just a consummate manipulator, he wouldn't be a good match for me. Too much drama and lying.

You should get divorced and not look back.

These are complex relationship or social dynamics often covering months to years of a persons life. They are important, the person matters - even if they are a troll. The questions are always poor lacking important details & specifics they needed. I go overboard, give enough information to cover that. However, you need to tone down what I say, relax and more on - apply it to yout last 1 month or 10 yrs. I will give random points

An abuser holds his victim captive emotionally isolated from friends, family or loved ones. It is a good cop/bad cop limbo. Guilt, Fear, Paranois, CONFUSION. humilation or embarassment. If you do not find yourself saying, "This is MY Fault" "What did I do wrong" - its potentially not abuse.

The abuser grabs you in: "Stupid; Whore; YOUR FAULT" "No one will want you" "YOU ARE CHEATING" you know the normal things. But they have a tool. They come to you. They say, "I LOVE YOU", "I AM SORRY" "I DID NOT MEAN IT" you can feel this pattern. As you reach up and start coming out they slam you into the wall, "Ugly b*tch" ---WELCOME-- this is abuse. It is here you are trapped. This is why you continue to love them, help them or not hate them for what they do.

YOU WILL NOT SEE IT. It will require you here this from 1-2 people in person. But confuse, guilty, scared, embarrassed "what have I done wrong". Its the good cop/ bad cop. Your brain processes it as if it were a real life kidnapping IF it gets loud or scary enough. Are you any near this? I don't know you did a horrible job of telling us - its very hard, I guess. This is a last ditch effort asking random strangers about the most important concern you have - scary sh*t I guess.

The pattern goes from him humiliating you, hurting you. Even if not abusive in other ways he feeds off your reaction ("LESTAT"; Vampire). He likes the pain the more hurt you are the bigger, badder, tougher or stronger he is. For it to continue he must keep you so he woos, courts, flirts and apologizes to pull you back. Then picks you back up, there is another wall to throw you into - WELCOME--

Its not ok, tolerable or allowed. I am not a feminist. Women are not soft special princesses. But women are socially trained "be stronger" "it could be worse" "hes not that bad" say friends. The more the abuser hurts the more people say, "deal with it, be stronger".

FINALLLLLYYYY

The lasy 1 yr of your life matters. Your arguments, intimacy, loud talks, your opinions, signals or feelings. Now the hard part. You've been ignoring it, like you felt you should, Pretending it was ok, like you were told. Now you have to face it a little. You need a friend (any) whose NOT a best friend (too much emotion). Someone to walk with you they see what you do because you openly/bluntly tell them about what happened, how, when or why and espcially the things you avoid. You make notes, check things and make a plan could be anyone (DR OK though a helper...) There are hundreds of things you do.

Yep, he is a champion at manipulation or he is one sick in the head puppy who can only let out past hurts when he has hurt you first.

Tell him he gets therapy to deal with his past issues so he can't use that as an excuse for cheating, and you two get couples' counseling so you get to be heard, and he gets to understand that he can't cheat and blame it all on his past.

He abuse your kind and good mind for his wrong things.

Divorce him bc he will continue cheat and abuse till end of life.

do u know how many children who later became adults were abused and neglected when they were children? or THINK they were abused and neglected? so according to your man what - they have a license to kill and cheat and do whatever they want because they think they suffered? no. u should tell him la di da u were abused, go get professional help. yes, he is manipulating u

ok cool