Disciplining Myself vs Self-Harm, how can I tell the difference?

Holding ourselves accountable makes sense but beating ourselves up does not. Study of behavior going back to the first part of the 20th century tells us that punishment is not very useful for changing behavior. Dwelling on mistakes you make is self-punishment. Be aware of mistakes and correct what you're doing when you make a mistake. but don't dwell on your mistakes. Giving yourself credit for things you do right is the way to make progress. A lot of the time, there's nobody to pat you on the back except yourself, and we all need pats on the back. Take note of all your successes, even the very small ones.

This s considered self destructive behaviors. Many with these tendency will also engage in the behaviors even when they do not realize, they are doing so. Something to keep a watch on.

When you self-harm to punish yourself, that's called self-flagellation.  

In some cases, self-flagellation can be a tool for forgiveness or improvement. Other times, however, it can diminish your self-esteem and confidence, especially if it's done too often or too publicly. Self-flagellation as a means to seek forgiveness is supposed to help us connect further with our communities and to show that we intend to act with consideration for others. But obsessively punishing ourselves often has the opposite effect, making us feel like we are unworthy and further distancing us from our communities.

Punishment against ourselves works in similar ways to external punishments. If you know ahead of time that there is a specific negative consequence to your actions, then a predetermined punishment can be helpful in making the right decisions. But if you are punished or flagellate yourself without any previous awareness of what would come or what would cause it, then you can't use it for motivation to make better choices.

Self-Punishment Disorder

We tend to believe the things we are told about ourselves. That's why negative self-talk is so insidious. You're always with yourself. That means you can't escape the bad things you say about yourself unless you consciously decide to change your behavior and perspective.

People with "self-punishment disorder" have a mindset in which they believe that they deserve punishment. They have convinced themselves that they are unworthy of love, happiness, or success. If your punishment behaviors are compulsive and frequent and are not planned out to generate a particularly successful outcome, then you may need to seek help from a professional therapist for a self-punishment disorder. Several mental illnesses are associated with chronic self-punishment, including anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. If you are engaging in behaviors that physically damage your body, then you are performing self-injury behaviors. These are unhealthy behaviors that often become habits, and may include:

Burning the skin

Cutting the skin

Seeking excessive body modifications

Pulling hair

Hitting yourself with objects

Breaking bones

Picking at skin

Reopening wounds

Banging the head

You may also notice other self-injury habits aside from the ones listed here, none of which should ever be considered as a punishment.

see a therapist or get counseling about this