Don, '80's Connoisseur

Does anyone know of a place that can refurbish old 2 piece candle molds? They are leaking & I want to get them fixed or try to find the same ones somewhere. Tried Pat Catan's & Joann's Fabrics but they don't carry any at all. Thanks for the help.

Does anyone know what is going on? I am hearing rumours left & right STEVE PERRY is back but can't find a damn thing! AWESOME if true. Their site is still "down" so I'll be frigged if I know what all is going on. Glad Soto IS gone. Was not right for them. Does anyone know what is going on with these guys?? Any info would be appreciated

I am doing some new projects that deal with slate (clocks, pictures etc etc) & I need smaller sizes. Thanks for at least looking.

The shower has been running since April and was made worse when one of the maintenance men came by past Saturday to "fix" it. Said was out dated, put back together (half-way as it is leaking EVERYWHERE!), & I have not seen nor heard from anyone no matter who I call since then. What can I do??? Isn't there a "help" line or something? Thanks for your time looking at my question.

#20. You drink at home to save money before going to the bar

#19. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is for real work

#18. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

#17. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

#16. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good sh*t."

#15. You go to the store for Ibuprofin & antacid NOT condoms & home pregnancy tests.

#14. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

#13. Dinner & a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

#12. You take naps.

#11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

#10. You're the one calling the cops because the f*cking kids next door won't turn the stereo down.

#09. Jeans & sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

#08. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14

#07. Your friends marry & divorce instead of "hook up" & "break up."

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her,

"What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches

and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her

how many peaches were in the can. She replied six.

The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the

woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say

something. The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

(Now you see why I had several question marks after the title, Don)

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun

with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in

our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife

suddenly at my side. "Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get

my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again

for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have

sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the

sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now

you know why they call that fancy mustard . . "Poupon."

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his Mom is

baking. He puts his Hand in the flour and then wipes it all

over his face."Mamacita, look, I'm a white boy."

His Mom slaps his face and says, "Go show your Father."

He goes to his Dad in the living room and says,

"Look Papacita, I'm a white boy."

His Dad slaps him hard in the face and says,

"Go show you Grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says,

"Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy."

His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him

back to his Mother.

His mother says, "What did you learn from that?"

The boy replies:

"I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't

like you Mexicans!"

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I can not sleep & this has been going on for weeks now. I am at a wreck. I am very on edge & all that. ANY advice appreciated. They just chirp & chirp & chirp right outside my bedroom window & it is very bothersome. Thank you.

TWO CANNIBALS ARE ABOUT TO EAT A MAN. ONE SAYS TO THE OTHER,:HOW ARE YOU DOING?,"

THE OTHER SAYS," I'M HAVING A BALL."

THE FIRST ONE SAYS,"SLOW DOWN- YOU EAT TOO FAST."

Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns

to the other while rubbing his belly with his fist

and say, "You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and

she still doesn't agree with me!"

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the

other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

When do cannibals leave the table?

When everyone's eaten.

The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't

you done eating yet?"

The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?

He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like!

What is a cannibal's favourite type of TV show?

A celebrity roast.

Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?

Eatin' Allen's.

What do cannibals eat for dessert?

Chocolate covered aunts.

What is a cannibal's favourite game?

Swallow the leader.

What do cannibals make out of politicians?

Bologna sandwiches.

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for

buttering up his teacher?

Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.

20. JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

19. BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."

Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

18. MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck,

And I aint herd from him in munts."

17. RANCH - noun. A tool.

Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup

Truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

16. ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in

My pickup truck."

15. DAYUM - A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind."

Usage: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."

14. IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."

Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

13. BAHS - noun. A supervisor.

Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git

Back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

12. BAWL - What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

Usage: "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

11. TIRE - noun. A tall monument.

Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to

See that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

10. TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.

Usage: "I just flew in from Et-lanna, and boy my arms are tarred."

9. OVAIR - In that direction.

Usage: "Where's yo paw, son?" "He's ovair, suh."

8. FARN - adjective. Not local.

Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... Must be from some

Farn country."

7. EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: "He can't breathe ... Give 'em some ear!"

6. JU-HERE - a question.

Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy

Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

5. MUCHABLIGE - Thank you.

Usage: "Muchablige for the lift, mister."

4. IDINIT - Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't.

Usage: "Mighty hot today, idinit?"

3. SEED - Seen, past tense.

Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City."

2. VIEW - Have You?

Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... View?"

1. HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.

Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

This is how I feel about tv these days as well. Tired of the dumb commercials. DUMB so called reality shows, etc etc etc. What's your take on this? That is, if it's not reported or deleted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-5d5IfdYK4

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.

She went to the airport, but the only one available

was a solo-helicopter.

The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes,

and he could instruct her

via radio. So up the blonde went.

She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly.

She reached 2,000 feet.

The blonde and the Instructor

kept talking via radio.

Everything was going smoothly.

At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly

came down quickly! It skimmed the top of

some trees and crash landed in the woods.

The instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed

out to see if the blonde was okay.

As he reached the edge of the woods,

the blonde was walking out.

'What happened?' the instructor asked. 'All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet.

What happened then?'

'Well,' began the blonde,

'I got cold. So I turned off the ceiling fan.'

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put

into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years

ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese

food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us

realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But

there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or

will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most

grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised

his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

A democrat died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly

Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are

all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered,

"Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time

you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the democrat.

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's," replied St. Peter. "The hands have never

moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the democrat.

"And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have

moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire

life."

"Where's Bush's clock?"

asked the democrat.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office...

He's using it as a ceiling fan!"

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

A salesman was traveling through the country side,

flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse

and tried his pitch on the farmer. 'Sir, my bug spray

is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.'

The farmer was dubious. 'Young man, I'll make you

a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked,

covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on

you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you.

And get everyone in the county to buy a case. We

will make you rich'. The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray nand tied him to a stake.

Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield.

Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a

single bite on him.

Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.

'Son,' he said, 'Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?'

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,

'Doesn't that calf have a mother?'