BLURRY

I'm 17 and my whole life I've been attracted to males, but this year something weird happened and I developed a serious crush on a girl. More serious than most crushes or attractions I've ever had on guys...anyways I was thinking it was a phase so I waited but months went by and I still liked her. I then started liking girls who looked like her. It ate at me and I realized I was bi and after a while I told everyone.

But...like crushes do, that one passed. And I'm not attracted to any other girls but her, and I'm being pressured into liking girls now. There's a lot of men I find very attractive and like talking about and people keep asking why I don't like any girls if I'm bi. Especially my mom. I'm wondering if that girl was the only one I'll ever like and I've made a big mistake. It gives me a lot of anxiety...I want to be able to openly talk about the men I like without feeling guilty for not talking about girls.

EVERYONE knows now and I regret it so bad...what do I do?

All of a sudden my mouth looks different. Completely different. And now that my mouth is different it's making my whole face look different. I'm 17 so I'm done growing, what the hell is going on? It's been this way for a few weeks.

I'm going to use today as an example.

We had quests over for the entire day and they're spending the night. Well I've been in my room all day. From 9 am to now which is 1 am.

They were all downstairs watching The Walking Dead, grilling food, they had chips and dip, and were generally having fun occasionally running to the store.

I wanted so badly to go down there but I couldn't. It's like no matter how badly I wanted it there was and is no possible way to get me down there. It's very relaxed down there right now, my mom and the little girl are watching tv and talking and I want to go down so bad but I physically cannot. I have sat in my BURNING hot room all damn day, pacing back and forth, hanging off my bed, looking at my ceiling, taking tiny naps in between, and I'm so angry at myself.

It's gotten to the point where I'm crying because I'm so frustrated. This happens to me all the time and I've missed out on so much. I missed out on CHRISTMAS twice because I decided to stay in my room the entire night in the dark and stay in the kitchen until we had to leave.

I hate myself so much...I can hear them laughing and stuff and I'm so angry and there's nothing I can do I've tried everything..

Please give me advice??

Well, my father isn't a bad person and he's apologized to me many times and I forgave him, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to get angry at things and I hate being in contact with them.

My father wanted to abort me as a baby and since my mom refused he left her and I've only met him twice. When I was 12 I searched all over until I found him and he got in contact with me and apologized.

Okay...well I hate my sisters. They're on his side and I've never met them but I'm in contact with them too. They're dim witted idiots who make me sad that I'm related to them. I just don't like that side of my family...and recently I made the big mistake of asking my dad for money for some clothes because I have none and he ignored me and hasn't talked to me since which was months ago.

I just would feel better if I acted like this never happened. Yes I'm 17 now and I've known them for a while but I'm angry for some reason. I want to delete them from my facebook and ignore all their messages (They don't send me any anyways).

Should I?

I am 17 years old and although I suffer from a list of anxiety disorders including social phobia, I have many other social issues on top of that that I fear will affect my future in a very bad way.

I will try to make this as short as I can while explaining everything as well.

I cannot keep relationships. I only have one friend I talk to (Which is unusual) and even that is overwhelming to me. I go through friends and relationships very fast. And although I have a very deep sense of empathy and understanding for every living thing around me, when I let these people go, I do not feel a loss, I feel relief. I can't have friends, it makes me sad.

For some odd reason I can't handle seeing other people. On Facebook even, seeing people's regular daily lives is very depressing and troublesome to me. It is all a let down for me considering I'm usually off in my paracosm which consists of lively wondersome people and reality never fails to disappoint.

I hate it when people try to be my friend. I HATE when they try to relate to me, it drives me nuts. I feel like when I'm talking to people I'm just humoring them by pretending to care. They're not interesting, they try to relate but they just don't and the process is boring. I never have interesting or fulfilling conversations with anyone, I find everyone very boring even though I care about them as people and I will be nice.

To be honest, the only time I can be happy is when I'm alone in my home by myself. People stress me

I am 17 years old and although I suffer from a list of anxiety disorders including social phobia, I have many other social issues on top of that that I fear will affect my future in a very bad way.

I will try to make this as short as I can while explaining everything as well.

I cannot keep relationships. I only have one friend I talk to (Which is unusual) and even that is overwhelming to me. I go through friends and relationships very fast. And although I have a very deep sense of empathy and understanding for every living thing around me, when I let these people go, I do not feel a loss, I feel relief. I can't have friends, it makes me sad.

For some odd reason I can't handle seeing other people. On Facebook even, seeing people's regular daily lives is very depressing and troublesome to me. It is all a let down for me considering I'm usually off in my paracosm which consists of lively wondersome people and reality never fails to disappoint.

I hate it when people try to be my friend. I HATE when they try to relate to me, it drives me nuts. I feel like when I'm talking to people I'm just humoring them by pretending to care. They're not interesting, they try to relate but they just don't and the process is boring. I never have interesting or fulfilling conversations with anyone, I find everyone very boring even though I care about them as people and I will be nice.

To be honest, the only time I can be happy is when I'm alone in my home by myself. People stress me

I JUST got my new Mac lip liner delivered today but it was in the hot mailbox for many hours and when I tried applying it, it just melted right off the pencil.

Should I put it in the fridge so it stays firm?

So, I am 17 years old and I just recently found a "diary" (More like just a notebook I scribbled in and wrote my thoughts in) and I was very shocked at how underdeveloped I was.

I was 13 years old when I first started in it, and lets just say at first glance you'd think everything was written and drawn by a 7 year old. I wrote poems about my "blanky" which is a special blanket I've had since I was 10, I have pages and pages full of these little yellow imaginary friends, I used to pretend I was a princess of this big land full of little onion shaped creatures, most all of it is my adventures with this little creature I had.

I wrote about excited I was that we were going to grandma's house and how I was going to pack his things and we were going to have fun. I also have drawings of my favorite stuffed animals and these little rainbow colored bears.

Was something wrong with me? I know a few 13 year olds and they're all far more mentally developed then I was. I'm actually kind of worried, because that's pretty bad.

What are your thoughts on this?

I put some on my face (Not all over just my problem spots) And I put some on my nose and it burned a lot. It didn't get red or weird or swollen and its gone down but is it supposed to burn and sting? Am I allergic?

So I do not have any acne on my face, but I started getting acne on my back when I was 13. I'm 17 now and it's JUST starting to go away (for now). I dont have any pimples on my back but I do have a very large amount of scarring, so it's covered in dots. I desperately want to be able to wear shirts that show my back, I haven't in years, I always have to wear a hoodie even in the dead heat.

Now that my acnes gone, is it possible to get rid of the scars so maybe I'll be able to show my back one day?

Hello, last night a had a dream that I had gone into some kind of community. It was busy and lively and I remember in very clear detail what the room I was in looked like. It looked kinda like a school, the room had a big table in the middle and a bunch of windows on the back side of the room with a lot of drawing and art supplies.

When I was going in there I saw a woman holding a young African child, he looked about 4 or 5. He wasn't wearing any clothes and he looked nearly dead, he was on the floor half in her arms. She was crying very hard and yelling his name, which was Eshe. She was saying things like why do you have to go and I just kept hearing the word "go". This was a very big deal to the community, he seemed like some kind of spiritual being and of huge importance. It was a requirement that even if you just joined the community you HAD to write a letter to him before he went, explaining how he's helped you and how you love him. He seemed like their leader or their God. Or maybe a king, just a very important being and people seemed lost when he was dying.

Wherever he was "going" seemed good, but people didn't want to say goodbye.

After I woke up, I looked up the name Eshe to find out that is in fact African and the meaning of Eshe is "life".

I'm a teenage girl.

Outfit:

- White brallette underneath

- Denim ripped shorts

- Black knee high socks

- Red flannel shirt

- Cream converse

my hair would be in a messy bun.

So, my emotions get very very intense when something happens to me, whether it be someone is calling me terrible things, me and my mom get in a fight, or I'm just EXTREMELY upset or stressed out about something, it all gets really intense into this huge mental breakdown of crying for an hour or so.

When it's happening I am NOT thinking about consequences, I just desperately want to hurt myself.

I used to cut but I'm a hypochondriac and my counselor told me I could get Tetnus so I stopped out of fear. Well now I'm just hitting myself.

The other day I had a bad breakdown and I grabbed this metal dish close to me and I banged it against my leg as hard as I could a whole bunch of times. I didn't realize how hard I was doing it from all the adrenaline, but afterwards it hurt so incredibly bad, It hurt so bad to move or walk for a few days. Now I have these horrible green and purple bruises all over it. My calf is all green and purple and it's embarrassing to walk around looking like I just got beat up.

I need to stop this, but in the heat of the moment I can't rationalize, I need a really effective way to let out my emotions..

Advice and suggestions please?

The name I was born with is actually a very nice pretty biblical name which I'll keep as my legal name, but it doesn't fit my personality. It's too common for me and I'm very eccentric, I like to dress weird most of the time, and I'm often completely lost in my own world, and I'm also very obsessed with names, so 've always dreamed of having a new name.

I want to start going by Clove. It just fits me, a lot. It matches my looks and my personality and everything. But I'm just really nervous about introducing myself as that....Yes I want people to call me that but I'm terribly shy and I have anxiety and I have all these worries about it. What if they think I'm stupid or something? Opinions?

This is a touchy subject and I swore that I would never get a cat and then give him back, but I wasn't expecting this to happen.

So I'm 17 and I have severe anxiety, social phobia, agoraphobia, panic disorder, hypochondria and a lot of other things that are effects from my anxiety.

My therapist and I agreed that a cat would help me a lot to sooth my anxiety since I love cats and they're known to do that.

So it took a whole year of getting our landlord to say yes and get the paperwork all squared around, I waited very patiently but I couldn't wait and was super excited.

So we got one, and I fell in love with him, but he brings me far more stress than anxiety...before him I watched every epsisode of My Cat From Hell, read books on cats, watched video after cideo of how to care for one and did everything I could to know everything about it. So he clearly is happy and has everything he needs, but that doesn't change his personality...

When I met him he was very calm and relaxing, but after he got comfortable in my house he became a nightmare. He gets into absolutely everything, he scracthes and bites and he attacks and he runs around destroying the house. He gets these obsessions with places he can't be in (For example, behind the tv hwhere all the cords are) and a bunch of other places and all day he'll try and try to get back there and it gives me REALLY bad anxiety and stress. When I'm trying to get him to stop my dogs can tell im anxious and they get anxious to

I know this is gross but I'm too embarrassed to ask someone I know and too worried to leave it unanswered.

So this has never happened to me before, this morning a found a HUGE "clot" in my pad, but I think it was far too big to be a clot. and it didn't look like one at all. It looked like a thing, and it was really thick and stretchy, with a different color than a clot. I can't believe that even happened..I just want to know what it is. It was so big and I'm very scared..

What's going on?

Since the day I brought him home he's been completely off the walls hyperactive insane. He has everything he needs, cat trees, toys, I play with him everyday but he never gets tired, he has big windows and a lot of space, I have treated him the most affectionate of all my animals and I love him so much and swore I'd never get rid of him but I don't think I can handle this...

I'm 17 and we got him because my therapist and I thought a cat would be a good anxiety calmer, I have severe social phobia, panic disorder, anxiety disorder, and more. I'm an anxious mess 24/7 and this past week I've been more anxious and stressed out than ever, mostly because lack of sleep.

Before I go to bed I make sure all the curtains are open for him, he has a lot of food and water, he has toys and whatever. But he won't let me sleep. I was very anxious last night because I accidentally drank caffeine so I was up until 5 am, and was woken up by 6 am. I tried so hard to sleep but he was knocking things down off shelves, getting into boxes, meowing and meowing and meowing, and eventually I just woke up crying because this happens every single night and in the state I'm in a desperately need a good sleep. I've been gaining weight and having more attacks because I haven't been sleeping. And if I do I have to wake up around 10 to 15 times to get him to stop doing something.

When I'm awake, (I'm inside all the time because I'm agorophobic) he tries to play with the plugs behind the tv and every da

I'm 17 and in the fast week or so I've noticed all sorts of weird stuff. This is going to sound weird but I have noticed my hips and butt are getting bigger which is strange because I'm done with puberty. Also I've been having bad baby fever and I keep having constant dreams about babies and kids. The worst thing is that my breasts are very swollen and they hurt, I went up a cup size, and I know people will say this might be ovulation but this never happens to me? What's going on?

I don't think I'm depressed because I',m npt empty inside but I have all kinds of anxiety disorders and I think about killing myself alot when I'm having an emotional pnic attack and I feel worthless and every day it feels like I'm closer and closer to actually doing it. When I'm having one of those panic attacks everything people have said to me comes flowing into my head and I realize I'm worthless and how many people hate me and I feel a strong urge to kill myself.

Am I suicidal? If so what do I do. If I go to the emergency room I'll get sent back to a psych ward and I really don't want to go back. I don't have insurance right now so getting a therapist is a while away but we're working on it. I don't feel safe and I don't know what to do.

This isn't like a permanent name change, I'll always keep my real name, I just kind my real name pretty but kinda boring for my personality. I want a nickname or alias that better suits me. Something interesting and weird, I'll go back to my real name whenever I feel like it.

This is my list.

- Clove

- Briar

- Sunday

- Abbott (I know it's a male name but I like it)

- Bardot (Like Bridgit)

- Grove (It's interesting)

- Ponce

- Pim

- Locke

- Zin

So help? Keep in mind it's an unimportant nickname.

Btw I'm a 17 year old girl.