MANDY LOU

this teacher was reading the 3 little pigs, and she got to the part where,the first little pig stopped to buy some straw.He ask the old man, excuse me can I buy some of your straw, and the teacher ask her class what do you think the old man said.One little boy raised his hand and said." I be damned a talking pig.the teacher had to leave the room

I have always thought these where so funny, maybe some I've never heard before.

Thanks

I know I do,he ask things you don't really think about,then you have to stop and think about. I just love them Keep them coming Kenny E

I was just wondering if anyone ever had any dealings with pre-paid legal services.I'm thinking of doing it and wan't to know what your experience was with them.If there is a catch,cause it almost seems to good to be true.Any thing

have a recipe for unleavened bread,not pita bread

Would you give up everything you had for every thing you always wanted.

I wrote this a few years ago and actually got it Published.

Holy Manna

Lord send us manna from above,

Fill us all with a heavenly love.

Make us humble in all our ways,

Teach us humility, let us not stray.

Give us peace where we need it

Most, fill us all with the holy ghost.

Put joy in our life, enough to go around

Teach us to share what we have found.

Help us be gentle to everyone,

And tell about your only son

Give us faith to get us through

Until we can forever reign with you

Thank you Jesus for all you do

Help us to always abide with you.

How come YA gets so many coffee breaks

I read this on a church sign."There are no atheist in hell"

which made me think That's exactly right.what are your thoughts on this?

Has anyone ever entered the contest on here,and then you get the letter it published in a book if you buy the book your poem is on the front page.You have to pay for the book $50.00,and then you really never get anything out of it.It cost you for everything and it's your work.

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Gran! dma's m inister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

Now, that is funny.....I don't care who you are!

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ

that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean

livin''

I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with

pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry

on When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be

perfect,

My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of

pain..

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace,

somehow!

The Child's Comments and Thoughts

My son came home from school one day,

With a smirk upon his face.

He decided he was smart enough,

To put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,

that's taught by Mr. Wright?

It's all about the laws today,

The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,

Don't have to cut my hair

No one can tell me what to think,

Or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,

And regardless what you say,

I don't have to bow my head,

And I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,

And pierce my tongue & nose.

I can read & watch just what I like,

Get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,

I'll charge you with a crime.

I'll back up all my charges,

With the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,

My body's only for my use,

Not for your hugs and kisses,

that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,

Like your Mama did to you.

That's nothing more than mind control,

And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,

So you can't influence me,

Or I'll call Children's Services Division,

Better known as C.S.D. "

Mom's Reply and Thoughts

Of course my first instinct was

To toss him out the door.

But the chance to teach him a lesson

Made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,

I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face,

he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping

At the local Goodwill Store..

I told him, "Pick out all you want,

there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.

Who said they didn't care

If I bought you K-Mart shoes

Instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment

To take your driver's test.

The C.S.D. Is unconcerned

So I'll decide what's best"

I said "No time to stop and eat,

Or pick up stuff to munch.

And tomorrow you can start to learn

To make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,

And wait till dinner time.

We're having liver and onions,

A favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,

To watch on my VCR?"

"Sorry, but I sold your TV,

For new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,

You'll take the couch instead.

The C.S.D. Requires

Just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,

I'll choose what we eat.

That allowance that you used to get,

Will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,

Dirt-bike & roller blades.

Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',

It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,

Why are you on your knees?

Are you asking God to help you out,

Instead of C.S.D..?"

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AS CHILDREN BRING THERE BROKEN TOYS,WITH TEARS FOR US TO MEND.I BROKE MY BROKEN DREAMS TO GOD,BECAUSE HE IS MY FRIEND,BUT THEN INSTEAD OF LEAVING HIM IN PEACE TO WORK ALONE I HUNG AROUND AND TRIED TO HELP WITH WAYS THAT WERE MY OWN,AT LAST I SNATCHED THEM BACK AND CRIED "HOW COULD YOU BE SO SLOW".HE SAID "MY CHILD WHAT COULD I DO YOU NEVER WOULD LET GO.

does any know where I can find the mickey mouse icecream with the chocolate ears.I have a 4 year old who loves MM. IN GA

Is it me or did having your tubes tied the worst mistake you ever made in your life.I had my TL 5 years ago,and my body has never been the same since then I have periods that last 25 days are more,I don't have hot flashes,but chills,my iron level is low.Dr.says take the pill it will help,well it don't work for me.I've never had this problem before and had never taken the pill until a year ago.I'm told by DR that an irregular Period is nothing to be alarmed about.But it's heavey and I cramp all the time but only on my right side.When I've mentioned it to my dr.he say's Your getting ready to start,it's you ovaries.Please tell me I'm not alone on this,that I'm not crazy.

My son wanted a WII for Christmas and as you would guess it,they had none so I said Birthday. He's 12 and I've been looking and every shipment that comes in there gone within a few hours.I

even tried EBAY but his birthday is coming up soon,and still no luck.Also He cares nothing about the sports games and that's the ones I seen on Ebay that comes with games for 400.00 dollars. just it's not worth it if he don't like the games.