David S

What's with that advertisement showing Napoleon not being able to Conquer the World because he had "male menstrual cramps."

Women's menstrual cramps happen because a blister on their ovaries erupt to free an egg cell. Men don't have ovaries, so they don't get those eruptions, so they don't EVER have that particular cause for cramps.

Men do sometimes get "stomach" cramps, but these are muscular cramps that women can also get, and in neither sex are they related to menstruation. Which, by the way, men don't do.

So WHY, fer crying out loud, is SOMEBODY paying good money to promulgate the falsehood that men get menstrual cramps too? What's the motive here?

You know the jokes about the girl who forgot her pants? She left the house wearing them, but they were made of a "mystery fabric" that, unknown to her, was really toilet paper dyed and made into slacks. Along came a car that spashed a mud puddle on her, and her pants just melted away. Is there really a fabric like this, and, if so, where can I buy gag clothing items to give as presents to people I don't like?

Why do different kinds of chords have different emotional impressions on music listeners?

The post office CLOSES on Saturdays at 10:45 in the MORNING. They're not even open until noon! Not even an until HOUR BEFORE NOON! Why do they even bother to show up that day? For that little bit of time, they could just keep the building closed all weekend and save some wear and tear on the door hinges.

I don't know how people will view a purple goat, but I'm dying to find out.

Suppose that N sticky balls having masses m1, m2, m3, ... , mN are arranged about a point in space with various distances and in various directions. The balls are all moving toward the point such that they will all arrive at the same moment. Since they are sticky balls, they will not rebound, but will adhere to each other in a lumpy cluster.

The amount of a particle's momentum is proportional to the speed to the first power, but the amount of a particle's kinetic energy is proportional to the speed squared.

Is it possible that the law of the conservation of momentum will require that the aggregate mass, after the collision of all the sticky balls, move in one direction, while the law of the conservation of energy will require it to move in a different direction?

Which US city or town best fits the description of worst hellhole in America? Consider crime rate, disrepair of public facilities, drug abuse, sleezy businesses, pollution, and whatever else you think qualifies a community for cesspit status.

Two masses, M1 and M2, are initially separated by a distance, d. A force exists between them that is proportional to the product of the masses and DIRECTLY proportional to the square of their separation, with a proportionality constant C.

F = C (M1) (M2) d^2

How long does it take for the separation to become infinite? Classical physics only, please.

A bell pepper is an gourd-like vegetable that consists of an edible shell around a seed cluster. But between the seed cluster and the shell is a substantial volume that contains only air. The shell is solid matter, not porous, and a bell pepper will float on water if you haven't already taken a bite out of it. The question is: HOW DID THE AIR GET INSIDE THE SHELL?

What's the best combination of fiber materials for sweaters? Shirts? Pants? Underwear? Socks? What's best for summer and what's best for winter?

Linen.

Cotton.

Silk.

Angora (rabbit fur).

Cashmere.

Merino wool.

Lambswool.

Acrylic.

Nylon.

Polyester.

Polypropylene.

Lycra.

Spandex.

When are combinations of materials preferable to pure 100% stuff?

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Why are appointments deadlines for the buyer but conveniences for the service provider? A buyer who misses a deadline, even by a few minutes, will have to reschedule regardless of any inconvenience to himself, whereas the seller can force the buyer to reschedule at his merest whim, even if the buyer was there on time.

Likewise, consider mail-order purchases. Sellers inform buyers that (1) the buyer must arrange for the seller to receive payment with a certain amount of time (usually a week) and that (2) the seller is not responsible for however long it may take the delivery service to get the purchased item to the buyer. Why doesn't EVERYBODY see that those expectations are unfair?

Aren't sellers and buyers coequal parties to a transaction? Each of them has something the other wants more than what he's offering, so they swap. The category "seller" and the category "buyer" merely indicates which party brings the cash to the trade. A distinction without a difference.

Ashmead's Kernal. Braeburn. Cox Orange Pippin. Granny Smith. Gala. Cortland. Yellow Newton Pippin. Escopus Spitzenburg. Pink Lady. Gold Rush. Roxbury Russett. Yellow Delicious. MacIntosh. Macoun. Jonathan. Idared. Haralson. Fuji. Rome. Liberty. Baldwin. Mutsu. Winesap. Sweet Sixteen. Lodi. (Other?)

It's a fairly famous story. First to get the right answer gets the 10 points.

You died and went to God for judgment. Upon weighing your soul in the scales of worthiness, you're found to be so balanced between good and evil that not even the Almighty can decide whether you should spend eternity in Heaven or in Hell. So He sends you back to Earth and gives you a test to determine your merits.

The test is to determine which of two groups of people, vociferously and violently opposed to each other on a political controvery, is in the right. God tells you that one side is right, while the other side is wrong, but He doesn't give you a clue about which is which.

You have your own political beliefs, of course. But now an incorrect answer to God will send you to Hell for an eternity of torment, and you dare not base your answer on your preconceived opinions.

Now, temporarily reincarnated, you're in the crowd listening to a debate between spokesmen for the opposing sides. Each calls the other "ignorant." How do you find out who the "ignorant" group really is?

In their fundamental ideas, how did each differ with the other two?

Ladies, I understand that a fashion designer has created just the thing for women who would like to make the acquaintance of eligible bachelors, but have a difficult time finding the proper words for the occasion. The Jack-in-the-box bodice makes talking completely unnecessary.

The bodice is a vest with swinging doors of stiffened fabric, opening much like the shutters on a storm window. When the woman wishes to attract a man, she uses a triggering mechanism (concealed in a hidden pocket) to release a catch, which permits powerful springs to propel the doors suddenly to the wide-open position. The bodice may be worn with, or without, a brassier.

The idea is that your bodice must have come open by accident. You know that isn't true, and so will he, but both of you can pretend otherwise if you so choose, and it's a wonderful ice-breaker. If you've chosen wisely, the nearby gentleman will hasten to your aid, helping you to refasten your bodice again.

Chemicals such as aspartame, believed to cause brain damage, are legal sweeteners in the United States. But stevia, a plant you can grow in your garden, which has no known harmful effects on humans, which has been long used safely in Japan, is nonetheless banned as a sweetener in America. Why?

In 1996 or 1997, I found a music file in the old .669 format called "sumrseve.669." The composer's name wasn't in the file information; however, a message was in the file: "Here's a sweet little tune that I composed last night."

Because few players can play 669 files anymore, I used Total Recorder to capture the music as an MP3 file, to preserve it for posterity. I'd like to give the composer credit. What's his name?

I actually saw this once. I programmed it in two dimensions to model the optical blurring of a two dimensional image coming through a small aperture. I FFT'd the pixel rows. I FFT'd the pixel columns. I did the convolution by matrix multiplying the transformed image with a two-dimensional gaussian probability distribution, and then I detransformed it to get the blurred image. And then I lost the algorithm, and now I'd like to have it again so that I can play with it. Does anybody know where it is?