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Hate losing. Don't really care about winning. What do I really want? (Competition)?
I hate losing because I want to beat my friend. But when I win I don't feel all that great, just a little satisfied if anything.
This has perplexed me for a while on a philosophical level, but recently it has directly affected me. I’ve been playing a fighting video game (Super Smash Bros on N64) with a friend pretty intensely for some months. Naturally, the skill level changes from time to time, he's good and wins all the time, I become good and win, etc etc. I hate losing to him, especially after a few times in a row; but then when I win I just feel moderately good, and after a few wins in a row I very quickly become bored with winning.
“What’s the problem?” you ask. Well, I agonize over losing. And I tend to lose more often because I am unenthusiastic about winning. Therefore the majority of the time I am feeling negative. 1) Why agonize if I don’t care about reward: winning? 2) How can I enjoy winning in general (not just one win here and there)? 3) Arggh, what do I really want!?
P.S. I want to be the kind of person who wins and wins and doesn’t have second thoughts about winning. I know many people who are like this, they get their kicks out of winning. One of my friends wins this game 95% of the time and has no second thoughts about it. Even though I think I’m very capable of reaching this level and a part of me wants to reach this level, I just can’t seem to have the mindset to do so.
P.P.S. This attitude is very evident in other areas of my life, I absolutely abhor being bad, it's so embarassing, but I don't really care that much about being good. In sports, I don't really care if I'm better than other people, I become upset or frustrated if I think I'm worse than other people. And I absolutely hate being the worst. What do I like? I know I can say for sure I like close games.
2 Answers
- 1 decade ago
you need to stop caring about this world people make, make your own life is 10% what happens to you and 90%what you do about it
