How do I get my husband to see he has let his mother ruin our marriage?

You didn't know your mother - in - law as much as you thought you did. O.K you should have listened to your husbands first response to your request of having mother - in - law stay. What kind of a discussion were you having the day she physically attacked you? I do not blame you for moving out. Your husband seems rather controlled by his mother. You will never win between them . You may have to accept that this relationship is over. He is weak and cannot/will not stand up to her now that she is in his life. You had good intentions for your mother - in - law, although you may have unwittingly annoyed her by criticising her about the cats? There maybe were other things too. Two women sharing the same house can be a little strained, especially when trying to fit into each others routines.

it is clear that she has been telling your husband lies about you and if he does not know you by now he never will. he is so weak to fall for it all. Do you really want this man now he has shown his true colours?

I think to me you sound like an intelligent woman. file for divorce and press assault charges against that old crow!

Good luck xxx

Edit - My very first thought after reading was that your husband may have manipulated the whole thing, as he is sneaky enough to hide your credit card and let you think you lost it. I didn't write this as i didn't want to upset you but somebody else already has below.

See a solicitor and be sure of your facts and she might have no choice but to move out hopefully

Have you considered charging her with assault and getting an order of protection against her? The police would escort her out of your home under those circumstances.

Especially if that home is a marital asset, do not let them force you out. I'd go back and call the police at the first sign of trouble.

His mom sounds mentally ill or as though she has dementia, which is getting worse. I know this whole situation is a minefield, but on top of everything else, she may need care if she has to leave your home. There are some medications for mental illness or dementia.

I would ignore your husband's bizarre behavior for the moment and focus on going home and getting her out. He'll be ok once you deal with her, hopefully. Anyway, you'd be best sorting it all out with the help of a therapist.

Hi Mrsjcjog,

Eerily you just described many of the seriously sick behaviors I'm subjected to from my old crazy bat mother-in-law & her wimpy son--my husband.

But part of the reason he kisses her fanny is because she's the source of quite a bit of money that he stands to inherit. She has hated me from day one. She has some severe mental problems, and a lot of her hatred for me is because I'm Irish & he's Italian. He has let her verbally abuse me both to my face and behind my back. I finally told him, you either get control of this nut job mother of yours, or I will, and I guarantee it will be very ugly.

Well, the next time something happened was her email accusing me of deleting her emails to him and stealing the money she sent him. I emailed her back, and told her to get off of my case, that I wasn't interested in her, her money, or her emails. She emailed me back, calling me b***h, etc. But that was 3 years ago and never have I heard another word (although my husband got our number changed and only gave her his cell #).

Your husband is a sick man, raised by a sick woman. He will not change. Ever. Retain an attorney, file assault charges against her (if the assault occured within the last couple of weeks or so), and inquire about the process of having her placed in alternate care. Or leave, file for divorce, and go after everything the state law says you are entitled to. Don't f**k around with this nonsense. Let your mama's boy know that you mean business, and do not say another word to him except through your lawyer. Document everything that you remember about the craziness, dates, etc., and continue to keep a daily record of all relevant events for the court to review later.

If you follow through with your plans, your husband will hopefully come to his senses (what few he has) and recognize what he's throwing away. Sounds like his dad couldn't WAIT for this witch to be gone either.

Keep us posted.

The thing about dealing with mother-in-laws is U have 2 stand ur ground. Men will gravitate more towards their moms bcuz she has given him standards from Day 1 n stuck by them,U do the same U tell him U r not going to allow her to "run" the household she is a guest and needs to act accordingly or you are out of his life! "No one can make U feel inferior without ur consent!" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Let me tell you what I don't like about having a mates/marriages: You have a mate who comes up a BRIGHT idea, and against advice, they PUSH the issue/suggestion...and when it goes WRONG, VERY WRONG now you want help or you want the other mate to help solve and/or participate NOW with the situation YOU pushed.

Your husband did not allow his mother to come between the both of you, YOU DID! He didn't want her to come live with you all to begin with you...BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET IT GO.

Now things has gone to hell in a hand basket, it is now his fault.

That's his mother, what was he suppose to do! Slap her! YOU put your husband in a bad situation.

...cause of that YOU SHOULD HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WORK THIS OUT.

The lesson for you when your husband advise against something support his decision, if you are so darn adament that it has to be done YOUR WAY, then YOU CORRECT IT!

WORK IT OUT! Find great accommodations for his mother, and with his blessing (discuss it and decide with your husband) and get her out of there.

This isn't about her, it's about your husband.

Your husband is a coward that won't stand up to his mother. If he was a real MAN, putting you first in his life and not his mommy, he would have shut her up years ago or you guys wouldn't have any contact with her. Period.

You can't change him, you can't make him put you first. His mommy is first in his mind and you sound like a distant second. That's not going to change. If you take him back, he'll still put her first before you. When his mommy dies, he'll be devesated then you'll have him.

moral of the story: never let your mother in law move in with you! I thought this was gonna be the typical situation were the husband wants the mom to move in but noo, you were the one who insisted! Are you sure you were the one who wanted her to move in? Maybe your husband completely manipulated you so you ended up thinking it was you.. i mean i don't understand why you would let her move in...

Why would you want to stay? Your husband tried to tell you what was up before she came to live with you. Now it's a disaster and your husband has made it clear where he stands. Cut your losses and don't look back.

You are in California, yes? Tomorrow is Monday, contact an attorney immediately. Personally they both seem like unstable and mentally ill people. You need to protect yourself physically, and your property also. Please see an attorney. I think this sounds pretty hopeless to me, and they are scary. You do not need this.

Get psychologist and a lawyer.