Adoptees who reunited with their first/birth moms?

I have - found both the back end of last year.

My dad had the ability to search for me, and actively chose not to; my mom couldn't remember what my aparents were called, and thought we'd moved out of the area (I actually spent almost every weekend just over the road from my bmom and older sis that she kept 'cause my adad's mom lived in the flats opposite them). My sis wanted to search, but only had the same info. to go on as my mom, and so didn't have a clue where to start.

My mom I got in touch with through a PM on FB, and my dad... he had me turn up all of a sudden on his doorstep. Turning up out-of-the-blue on your dad's doorstep 37 years after you were born may not be the best idea, but it worked out well for me. :)

In the fantasies growing up, my dad was an unknown quantity. I knew that he'd obviously existed, or else I wouldn't exist, but that was as far as my knowledge of him went. My mom however, I'd heard dribs and drabs and stories about, and so she obviously existed more in reality for me.

Moms are s'posed to be the ones that fight to the death to defend you, while dads are off out doing the hunting. Moms are the ones who pick you up when you fall, and the ones that make all the pain go away. Moms are the ones that instinctively understand their kid, and can (at least until puberty kicks in ;)) read their kids like a book. This is all what we're force fed in the West growing up. This is what makes it hurt so god damned much knowing that YOUR MOM obviously couldn't've loved you very much, because she abandoned you. This is why it hurts.

I was talking about the adoption crap I'm currently going through with one of my lecturers at college the other day, and she asked me what really gnawed about my dad. Simple, I explained, he didn't fight for me. She made a comment along the lines of "same as your mom," which I had to point out nooooooo... she didn't just not fight for me, she's the one who abandoned me! I think there was probably something of an indignant screech creeping in by the time I'd got to the end of the correction. <g>

Tell them the truth. Be honest with them. Just remember to keep it age appropriate.

You should try to get in to see an adoption knowledgeable counsellor of some kind, else you could end up reflecting your own problems on to your kids.

Good luck.

I always thought about my mom, not so much my f dad. I did find my mother and it has been wonderful. She has enough information that I could probably find him when I am ready. The thing is, I haven't been ready. It has been very wonderful but exhausting to meet my first family. I just haven't had the energy to go any farther.

The other thing is, that I know that he left my mother because she was pregnant. He did know about me and it was his response that led to my adoption. My mother did not want to do it. I don't exactly have warm feelings about him. My adopted father was not a great dad either so I think somewhere I have a basic distrust of men that has made me hesitant to find him. I might someday, just not ready.

Hi kennebunklmt,

My nmom, my siblings & I were all reunited through ISRR. We were all searching. Our ndad is deceased. Yes, there's a strong connection with our nmom.

Some adoptees look for their nmoms first because it used to be common practice to leave ndads off of all records, so the only way to go about a search was to go through the nmom first.

I wish your girls the best as they learn of their truths, and commend you for trying to find a kind & honest way to approach it.

julie j

reunited adult adoptee

You are correct. We are bonded in the MOST physical way with out first Mothers. Thats true with all children at first, lol. I rarely gave my f Dad a second thought while growing up, sorry to say.

I made the first move, because I was the one to find them.

My f Dad was an added bonus in my reunion.

I found my first mom. I knew my first dad had passes away, so looking for him wasn't an option. However I was curious about him and so I talked to a lot of ppl who knew him.

My ex-husband is also adopted and while he wants to find his first mom he has no desire to find his first dad. I don't know why, he just said he never was interrested.

my nmom was the one I thought about, obsessed over meeting. I found my dad after finding my mom, and we had a very brief reunion. It was awkward, and my nmom freaked out at the inkling of a relationship between ndad and I, I essentially cut contact to keep nmom in my life.

I reunited with many members of my ndad's family last year. Aunts, uncles, cousins. While he doesn't have much contact with his family, I'm 99% sure that whispers of relationships with me have gotten back to him. He hasn't tried to contact me, and won't. He's just not that kind of guy. And I'm not in the chasing mood.

I'm closer with my dad. Well, I was. He's gone now. I was closer to my dad. I didn't predict that going into reunion, but it's the way it was. I love him. I'm proud of him. I'll miss him fiercely. I wish I had always known him, but better late than never. I'm glad I found him. It's a little fresh; I think I'll leave it at that.

Unfortunately in my case it turned out to be hell! here's a bit of background on me, I'm a 28 year old Australian male who was seized by Child Services at the age of 2 months old. My biological mother was forced to sign the papers and i was adopted out at 4 months old.

To be honest i kind of deem "First Mum/Mom as kind of offensive in a way, She may have given birth to me but she certainly never gains the right to be my mother or call me her son.

A bit of background on me:

I was raised by a great family, My dad is a retired police officer, My mother worked as an integration aide (Teachers assistant) My sister who is 3 years younger than me is now a Elementary School teacher, and i work in Corporate for a Pharmaceutical Company.

We had the best childhood, Lots of fun adventures, Great people around us,

My parents instilled the work hard and reap the rewards ethic and treat others as you want to be treated.

Just an average home in a middle class suburb,

I've been fortunate to travel all over the world and have opportunities i never would have had, had i not left my biological family

i really couldnt have asked for a better family to be in and as far as im concerned they ARE my family and will be until the day i die.

At the age of 18 (Legal age to access records in this country) in the year 2000 i contacted Department of Human Services curious about my biological family, If only i knew then what i know now i never would have bothered, I found out through the case worker my biological mother had been hounding the authorities non stop about me! (As in she constantly wanted photos, updates etc on me) I later found out throughout my childhood My mum (Adoptive) had sent the occassional photo,

Anyway I suggested meeting her and a date was set, Thus begun 12 months of hell!

I met my biological mother to discover she was a product of bad choices, drug abuse, criminal behaviour and she hadnt worked in years, Lives off welfare to this day and feels the world owes her a favour. She HATED the fact i was adopted out to a law abiding family!

I found out i have 2 older sisters, One who is now in an institution with Severe Schizophrenia, The other is a junkie (Heroin) who openly boasts about having Hep C but at the same time is a Fundamental Christian and tries to tell everyone else theyre going to hell despite the fact she never let it slip to her boyfriend about her Hep Status until he became infected (Total whackjob and hypocrite)

Theyre a sad cycle that are just going to keep repeating and producing children that will continue to live in bad neighbourhoods and never amount to anything, They harrassed me for money, Would ring me 10 times a day and try a guilt trip on me (Oh but we're your family)

After a year i finally threatened legal action (Intervention orders etc) and they went away for 9 years,

I say that because the Junkie biological sister (Lisa) contacted me via FB last year trying to reconnect i told her to **** off (But in nicer terms)

I was given the name of the guy my biological mother "Thinks" is my father and i never plan on contacting him, Im just not interested and far as im concerned i have a father being my adoptive one,

Despite all thats happened i feel i've grown up pretty well adjusted, I'm not trying to scare your daughters off from searching, And like me if they feel they need to do it then by all means, I'm just pre warning you that the reunion isnt always a "Live happily ever after" type situation!

why are you insecure that your kids wil want to fnd there dad ? plz, just let it go!