What to do about sister's wedding? (Long story!)?

Firstly I would have said, sure I'd be happy to help address the invites, but since I've got kids and you don't, you will have to come to me.

On the shower and bachelorette party, that is thrown by the bridal party, the bride is not to plan it! If she insists on Chicago- you can't make it, as you already told her. I'd give her a choice, look you want a bachelorette party, these are your options, otherwise you don't get one.

No you are not being selfish, you have a family and that takes priority. Maybe someday she will get it when she's totally self sufficient, but honestly it sounds like she is a bit selfish and immature.

Ok, NOW u need to talk with her and tell her you're YAY close to dropping out. I had a similar situation, only it was my cousin's wedding. She's an only child and i'm her closest cousin, although were not close. i was her matron of honor, she chose me because i'm 11 years older than her and i've been in 8 weddings, she wanted my experience. She pulled a lot of this stuff with me too. I'm also a single/widowed mother. I live near her, but the wedding is 2 hours away. Theyr'e getting married 1/2 hour from her fiance's family, even though, they both live here. She never mentioned this when she invited me to be in her wedding. Next thing I knew, i was getting biiitched at constantly for not helping enough. When I helped, I was being biiitched at because she didn't agree with my suggestions, and thought i was shoving them down her throat, just for offerring info. So I stopped, then i wasn't doing enougha and showing enough interest. She didn't want a bridesmaid, she wanted a wedding planner, and I told her that. Wedding planners get paid, bridesmaids are spending THIER time and money to be a part of the wedding.

Your job as a bridesmaid, be supportive, purchase your dress adn get alterations done, help a bride choose her dress, plan a shower, plan a bachelorette party, attend the wedding and perform your duties there. Beyond that, anything you do is just a bonus. The invites are pretty standard, but with being 2 hours away makes it understandable that you cannot help with that. That being said...why would you have to take the kids? Is your baby's father not capable of caring for your kids for a day? Because frankly, using your kids as an excuse when you're not a single mom is kind of lame.

You need to talk to her. You need to tell her she expects too much and if she wants more, she needs to find somebody else. Its not YOUR fault she chose unreliable people to be a part of her wedding, you shouldn't have to shoulder their duties as well. Tell her to bite it.

As a bride to be myself maybe i can help. I understand totally where your coming from. I really do. I also understand you just had a baby. BUT in asking you to be her matron of honor comes a lot on your part. And in planning my own wedding the prices which you have listed are pretty average from what i've seen... I am lucky enough to have a fiance the just wants me to have what i want for the wedding, but i am no bridezilla. Is there enough time between now and the wedding to put a few bucks away each month to pay for the dresses and such? I will say that the trip to chicago is a bit out of the way... but maybe compromise with it? The fact that you live so far away does pose a little problem... maybe suggest she come stay with you a weekend or sometime in the up coming summer to address invitations and what not and maybe only have you come out for the essentials like the tasting and what not. Keep in mind it is her day and in being her sister i know you want her happy and whats best for her. Perhaps the timing is just not that great with your life and hers..... if your really that upset by it maybe suggest just being a bridesmaid and not the matron of honor? The best advice i can give you is just to compromise.

I think its a little bit of both of you. She obviously has bigger dreams than her friends and family can afford, and furthermore she is being kind of rude about it. If someone offers to throw a party, you do not shoot down their idea, you graciously accept whatever they plan. She is definitely being selfish and unrealistic.

As for you, I think you could put in a little more with the invitations. As the older sister, maybe you need to take control of your destiny in this wedding and be clear with her. Tell her "I can do A, B and C but not able to do D, E and F for your wedding." A 140 bridesmaid dress is pretty typical, however 115 for a flower girl is ridiculous, especially considering all flowergirl dresses are the same! Honestly, I would tell her that is a bit steep and give her identical options in your price range. The invitations, 2 hours is not that far and I have friends with young kids who dont let that stop them from being adventurous. Surely you could drive over for the day. Tell her in advance, and that whatever she wants help with can be done on this day, you have set it aside for wedding stuff. I think you should co-host the shower with your stepmother, but refrain from the bachelorette party. No one is entitled to either, but it would be a lovely gesture if you would be involved with one of these parties, and the shower is probably more your thing.

Wow, I don't expect that from my maid of honor! She is also my older sister, she is not a mother but if she was i would totally get the whole not spending 400 dollars on dresses and shoes for s simple day just to please me. I would much rather have her stand beside me even if it was in pants and a nice shirt, because she is more important then my wedding! Anyways I think you need to talk to her, be nice at first and if that doesn't work be firm! Tell her that as much as you Love her, you CAN NOT afford this, your trying your hardest and that's all you can do, ask her whats more important getting everything for her wedding from you, or her nieces/nephews ( not sure if they are girl boy or girl girl) having food and daily clothing. Tell her your not going to put Your children aside for her one day. But try to be nice as hard as it may be....awwww i hope everything works out!

First, take a deep breath. Second, email me.

I can give you free advice on putting together a fun and affordable bachelorette party that your sister and her guests will enjoy! Do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your sister's extravagant wishes. Remind her that you have a family of your own that you still have to see about and can not put them on hold. Assure her that you will do the best in your ability to make this time the most memorable for her but in reason.

Is there another person in your family whom she respects, looks up to and that she will listen to? Barring someone else that can help you talk sense into her, I sincerely think that you should just bow out gracefully. Tell her that at first, you thought you could do this, but it's too much to handle because you are a MOTHER before you're anything else right now.

She'll have a hissy fit and blame you for everything, but so be it. She's being unreasonable, bratty and selfish. She's a bridezilla in the making, if she's not one yet, and frankly, you don't need the stress.

Best of luck to you, and I pity her poor groom ... he has no idea, does he ...

It sounds to me that your sister needs a reality check. I would politely sit her down (even if over the phone) and tell her exactly what you are willing and able to do. If she doesn't like it she can hire a planner to do all the detail work. With what seems to be such a rampant sense of entitlement, instead of giving in to the bride because it's "her day" brides need to make it clear exactly what's expected and attendants need to make it clear what they can do. Certainly, they should expect less from out of town attendants. It is absolutely unreasonable to expect someone to travel two hours each way every time the bride deems a task needs done. It is HER day, and SHE should do the majority of the work. She's an adult and now needs to act like one.

What she is expecting from you is unreasonable. You can't do it 2 hours away, even if you had scads of money. You are going to to have to be honest with her-you are just not able to give her what she expects in a MOH. Tell her you know that sounds unfair, but it's a fact. Tell her you understand and will not mind if she chooses another MOH at all. Your daughter can still be flower girl and you will sit with your father and give them all your love. I think this might work-she does need someone her age & mindset. Good luck, but I think she might be secretly relieved.

Get less involved. Your life does not revolve around hers, treat the situation as such. Help when you can, and when you can't, keep your opinions to yourself.

She doesn't get to plan her own parties so it doesn't matter what kind of extravagant plans she has. You're the one who plans the parties, you choose something affordable, and her role is to be gracious.