Can anyone answer me something?

Nope, of course I don't think ALL paps or AP's have a sense of entitlement to another woman's child. Just as I dont think all adoptees are "angry" or "happy". There are no black and whites.

You've been around enough to see the questions that pop up, the ones from paps's trolling for babies, and then you see their angry and ignorant edits about first Moms being "meth heads and whores". You also see how some people claim they think pre-birth matching is horrendous, yet they still engage in it because they were "chosen" by the pregnant woman. Hogwash.

My ap's have never said they were sorry to me for how they became my parents, either...and it hurts. Did they engage in pre-birth matching? Nope. Did they coerce my first Mom? nope. They adopted me. And ALL adoptions are rooted in loss and pain- even those adoptions that were necessary. It's still a loss and still painful if a child was neglected. So while your joy of becoming a parent is awesome, your child hurts and will always have hurt associated with how your "forever family" came to be.

Thicken your skin....adoptoland is tough, lol.

I don't think anyone thinks that ALL APs/PAPs feel entitled. It's just that there are many questions that say something to the effect of, "I've been waiting for three years for an infant and I deserve one" or "Adopting an infant is so expensive" or "I don't want any chance of the birth mother coming back". Obviously, not everyone feels this way and I'm sure some of the people posting comments like that are trolling. The fact remains, however, that there are people who do feel that way. Maybe it's a lack of education about adoption or maybe it's a true sense of entitlement. Either way, it is hard on the first mothers who were forced to surrender because they "couldn't be a good parent" or "wouldn't be able to give the child things" or "your baby will be loved by a couple who couldn't have kids". I truly feel horrible for those that can't conceive. I don't have any children now, but I definitely want them someday and I can't even imagine what it would be like to be told you can't have children. However, I don't think the solution is to buy someone else's baby. If I can't conceive, it is not someone else's responsibility to give me a baby. It is MY responsiblity to look into foster care or just accept I won't have children.

Edit: I should add that part of the responsibility of fostering is to acknowledge that reunion is the goal.

I don't think that all aps or paps, feel entitled to a child, but the ones that do feel entitled, are so nauseating and vocal about it, it makes the rest look bad.

I have personally known someone who cannot have children who went thru the "I HAVE to have a child" phase and even looked into international adoption for a while. It was very hard for me to be around them at that time.

I am adopted and my adopted parents could not have a child of their own, so they adopted me. What is so wrong with that? I see that you want to adopt a child out of foster care, and that is wonderful, I hope that one day you will be able to do that and give a child in need a chance. I also adopted 2 children (infants as well)- I don't understand people who think they are entitled to anything let alone a child. A child (whether biological or adopted) is a gift from God, period.

From someone who is not only an adoptee, but a mother, I can see this from both sides of the fence. It aggravates me to see adoptive parents claw so desperately for a baby that they will go through countless invitro fertilizations, doctors visits, etc. just to have a baby, but will not consider the possibility of adoption. And then I see adoptive parents who adopt and then cut off all ties in an "open" adoption, because they feel entitled to that child, because they signed the paperwork, because they've done the legwork, because they're "better" than the birth parent by adopting, when in actuality had they been capable of having a baby when they wanted to originally, who knows what kind of parent they themselves might have ended up to be. It just makes me want to pull my hair out.

On the other side, I feel for these parents because they do want a child so badly, and they will (in most cases) love the child just as they would their own. I feel for them because they do get a bad rap sometimes. Either way you look at it, I think the adoption system is broken, and I think there is alot of warped thinking out there. How many good people are out there that can't afford twenty or thirty thousand dollars for a child? Why are only the rich entitled to adopt? The feeling for me are warped here as well. But that can only be natural when a child is seperated from their birth parents and placed with people who aren't blood related to them. Sometimes it can be the most beautiful thing, but sometimes it can be a great heartache for everyone. It depends, whether I agree with an adopted parents' sense of "entitlement".

I never felt like I was entitled to a child, when we got our baby it was a blessing & a gift.

Also, when you adopt a child they become your own, so they're not "someone else's child" even though they came from another mother's body.

I do not feel entitled to someone elses child. However, if someone decides they will not keep their child for their own reason, then yes, I would love to adopt. That is not the same thing. Some adoptees like to imagine that all birth mothers are tricked or coerced into placing their babies. I find it interesting how many of those same people tell tell the women and girls who come on yahoo looking for advice because she wants to place her baby, they tell her to abort or parent. She isn't being coerced to give her child up for adoption. (There are at least two on this forum right now). That happens often.

As women who cannot bear children, I suppose we aren't entitled to our own pain from our situations...only the 'angry adoptees' are entitled to feel slighted. There are, in fact, plenty of adoptees who did just fine with their adoptive parents...better even. But, they aren't sitting on yahoo ready to pounce on the next poster on this section. They are out living their lives.

I will repeat what I have said in the past...my mother didn't want me, but was guilted (coerced) into KEEPING me by family, and my life was miserable. I was left places (yes, literally abandoned--the police always brought me home), abused, and ignored. I understand abandonment. Of course, many adoptees won't agree, but at least they received love by their adoptive parents. I had no one as a child. There are worse things than being adopted. The ability to reproduce does not always equal the ability to parent. I should know...I've lived through it.

All I can say is when I had a miscarriage and thought I would never be a Mum I was devastated I wasn't bothered about anything else I just wanted to be a Mum, I went on to have 2 kids but I can understand people who want to adopt kids and I think it's bitchiness to slag you off for wanting them, what do they know about longing for a child? the anguish? it's women being bitches again , give me blokes rather than women any day

because a hell of alot of these people on this sight are "ANGRY ADOPTIES" inm adopted and very happy no one has any write to any child i would like to have a child but that does not mean in any way that its my god given write to have a baby i wish people on here would not have such a negative thought towards adoption and they make out that everyone has a horrible life when thats not true its the life you have before the adoption that mucks u round