Can someone reassure me that I made the right decision?

Question

Though it's not my choice, my husband and I are separating.  He's bought a new house around the corner from our current house.  I have travel plans to go to Ireland for a week for work later this week.  

Initially we thought we would tell our children (7 and 9) about the separation when I returned, but they have been asking questions and we thought it best not to lie to them.  So we sat down together and told them what was going to happen. I'm satisfied that we told them the best way we could, without blaming or emotion (ie tears or anger).  My youngest seemed totally fine with the news and was even excited about Daddy's new house.  My older son cried and we hugged for about ten minutes.  Initially he wanted nothing to do with the new house but I encouraged him to walk by it with me and then he even went over with his dad to look inside at where their new rooms would be.  

My concern now is that I'm leaving for a week and a half only two days after we told them this news.  I have been a constant presence in their lives as their primary caregiver, but I worry that me going away is some sort of a symbolic message to them.  I know their processing of this news will take its time coming out and I'm worried about not being there for them, though as angry as I am with their father for doing this to us, I do trust him to talk to my children about this in the most positive way possible.  I guess I'm just feeling guilty and sad and looking for some reassurance.  Anyone been in a similar situation?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it's the best possible scenario for the 2 of you to be is such close in proximity so that you can raise your kids together and they can stay in the same community without having the issues so many kids have when one parent switches towns and they can't go to a friend's birthday because it's the other parent's weekend.  Probably you leaving will give them a little time to adjust to just spending time with daddy if you have always been the primary caregiver.  You will be back in one week.  It will probably be good for you to get away too.  You are doing the best for your kids by showing them that you love them and explaining that it's not their fault and by treating each other with dignity and grace.  Don't look at is as a failure but it's possibly a new beginning.

Rojina Aktar · Answer

I say you have handled the whole sorry affair as acrimoniously and as responsibly as you can, so you both should be proud of yourselves.

I feel that that the main reason why you re feeling guilty for "abandoning" them is due to the fact that you ve only broken the news to them that their mother and father are heading their seperate ways, and you are naturally concerned for their initial reaction and well-being.

My advice to you would be to stop beating yourself up over this-it is ONLY for one week!  Internet technology means that that you can communicate with them almost in person via webcam every day that you re apart if you wanted to, so why not give it a try?

Or perhaps you could postpone this work excursion abroad till later on?


Whatever you do decide, if you and your husband can remain as harmoniously civil to one another as you have been so far then chances are that coming to terms with the seperation will be all the more easier (hopefully) for your children.


Good luck!

Starfish · Answer

That's tough, I'm sorry.

You should be very proud of the way you've handled it so far.  It signifies that your children will be feeling safe and secure through this change and that you will not be allowing your anger and disappointment to get in the way of co-parenting.  Kudos!

That being said, I assume that you cannot change your travel plans.  So, my suggestion is to try to fill that week with plans for the kids...sleepover at grandmas for a start?  Is there any day camps available?  Keep them busy during your absence.

Best wishes.

Little girlManik · Answer

I have not, but wow!!, I think you should not go, postpone your trip or just let it go, better opportunities will come for you later, right now is time to be with your kids, they will appreciate it. And yes it is kind of symbolic you leaving for work...in their minds and hearts they won't understand you have to work, they'll just translate it as You running away from the Pressure pot and Daddy being the one who's staying and standing up for them. So, I would stay with them and help them deal with their emotions, now can you not make this as a New Family trip?...
Anyway, Good luck with this and God bless you.

Trending News

Can someone reassure me that I made the right decision?

4 Answers