do you have to be necessarily depressed to say that you hate your life / want to kill yourself / diagnosis?

Question

i have been seeing psychologists for about 2 and a half years, psychiatrists as well which i was prescribed various medications as a trial and error process in possibly helping with whatever it is that has affected me my whole life, only to find that medication failed, one reason was that i didnt take them that long to see if slowly i would possibly get "Better", but half the reason, i would say 100 percent for one of the drugs is the side effects, when i took vyvanse which supposedly is treated for adhd and to show if i had it or not, it made me feel high for the first hour or so, though i didnt realize that i was high off the medicine at this moment, i even told my mom that moment i took it that i think this is the right medication since it gave an immediate reaction, and i told her that im gonna have a good life probably if i keep taking this, then after a few hours, i started getting depressed, anxious, appetite problems, the next day my mom said to take the drug again which i didnt want to because i really didnt feel good, but i went ahead and took the drug again being all weak and i couldnt eat really, i developed a shake where, kind of the feeling you get when you are about to throw up, i forcefully went to the bathroom and threw up a little, did the same thing a few more times that day, i was basically sick a few days and constipated, i felt like crap, never took vyvanse again. i took ritalin for a few days, it was like a mild version of vyvanse, did not help one bit either. i did not want to stay on ritalin, although the side effects were not as bad as vyvanse, it still made me feel bad in many ways, i took welbutrin for about a month, side effects were very little the first few days, then not noticable later on, the drug didnt help me at all though and i didnt want to stay on the anti depressant. i took some other drugs but for very little and i feel like mentioning them wouldnt necessarily help with my situation.

i mentioned in the question that, would someone have to be depressed to be suicidal / hate life or their life, i wanted to see what other people think of this. apparently, all my psychologists have mentioned that i do have some "form" of depression, though they dont specify WHY, and the whole labeling thing is bugging me, not necessarily because of finding the right "label", but because of so many different diagnoses, it kind of pisses me off, why the diagnosis would be so broad, i havent been diagnosed with all of which but all of my psychologists kind of agree with me that i fit them, ( of course, they are psychologists so, they do have to be reasonable with their patients, and i feel like im very reasonable with them in measurements ). but at the same time, i feel like they are just ignoring FACTS, and just dont want to get in more depth, they talk more on general therapy / changing myself, and saying typical stereotypical things that any psychologist would say, like do you have problems with paying attention, do you lose things, stuff like that. my answer as always is, well yeh ( in a sarcastic tone ), everyone does, do you want me to tell you that i have almost every trait from almost every mental disorder too? then what? so i can hear you say the same thing over and over that i would hear from anyone that never helps?

anyways, i thought i put that a few traits about myself, maybe someone highly intelligent, if not highly intelligent, highly courteous / understanding / and putting effort in giving a detailed answer for me, can possibly relate to me ( i know its hard, since not every person in the world is like me, i would say less than 40 percent, if i have one - two commorbid conditions, if i have more than two commorbid conditions ( personality flaws / type counting as one ), then i would put it as less than 10 percent i suppose, enough of these numbers, here is some specs about me lol -

. sees himself falling under adhd criteria ( more than 75 percent of the traits and problems, yet adhd medications failed, and brain scans ( the brain scans is basing off the chemical imbalance / brain abnormality theory ), after getting an MRI, PET, and EEG brain scan, all of which came back normal.
. sees himself falling under sluggish cognitive tempo (, more than 75 percent, though, russel barkley said people with sct tend to be more behaved than people with adhd ( distinction ), but im actually a pretty defiant and aggressive person, i complain a lot, very defensive ( though i think this goes also with what im gonna say below ).
. im neurotic, i suffer from neurosis ( at least, more than 90 percent of the traits i exhibit ).
. perfectionist type
. self centered 
. defensive
. envious
. jealous
. lethargic
. angry
. schizoid isolation
. avoidant / social phobia
. pessimistic 
. low sense of self worth 
. low self esteem
. low confidence 
. no motivation ( like i ever had motivation for anything lol )

Kay · Answer

Yes, you can be suicidal from extreme frustration in addition to mood disorders and schizophrenia.  I hear your frustration.  In my years in the counseling profession, I've heard many people express frustration about the time it was taking for them to make progress.  I would guess that you know it will take 4-6 weeks until Zoloft takes full effect.  You may begin to feel some difference before then.

I wish I knew how old you are that you've been in therapy for so long without clear answers.  I think you're a minor because of your reference to your mother.  I suspect there may be a tendency to try to label you in a common adolescent diagnosis--ADHD or ODD, oppositional defiant disorder.  They've also had difficulty pinpointing your depression.  Sometimes they can't make a definitive diagnosis until you're a certain age.

Those symptoms you've listed under neurosis also belong to the classification known as personality disorders.  There are a lot of them.  Some people have one full-blown disorder; others have the traits of one or more disorders coupled with something like bipolar disorder.  Personality disorders start as childhood coping mechanisms and become rigid attitudes and behavior patterns by adulthood.  They don't usually come in for treatment until their patterns get them into some kind of problems with school, work, relationships, or the law.  It's a process that takes time for them to learn new ways of handling life's challenges if and when they see an advantage for themselves to change.

I won't try to diagnose you online, except to say that I think you have the makings of a personality disorder along with some type of depression.  I suspect that your depression is a chemical imbalance resulting from too much cortisol in the brain due to all the adrenaline you've been producing with your anger.  I'd be looking for the root of your anger and how you and I could work on that together.  I'd be looking for what other feelings the anger was covering and how those were affecting you.

I suspect that your ADHD is really related to your anger, not a brain neurological issue.  I imagine you pay attention to and learn only what interests you or matters to you, that includes subject matter and rules.  I have a hunch that your anger has protected you for many years.  I also suspect that all that cortisol has done to your brain what it does to mine--gives me trouble focusing, concentrating, as well as absorbing, retaining and retrieving info.

My depression doesn't make me sad.  I manage it with an anti-depressant and vitamin D3.  I started with 1000 IU and worked my way up to 5000.  On cloudy winter days, I take 10,000.  Exercise and meditation can intervene with the adrenaline-cortisol cycle.  It'll be up to you to decide how much time and effort you are willing to  put into improving the quality of your life.  Getting to the root may be uncomfortable at times; however, the more pieces of the puzzle you bring to your therapy, the better picture you will all get.  Then you will have the opportunity to re-shape your self portrait.

I wish you a rewarding and satisfying exploration of your life.

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do you have to be necessarily depressed to say that you hate your life / want to kill yourself / diagnosis?

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