anyone suffering from schizoid personality disorder or know anyone with it? / need assurance / help?

Sounds more like very mild social anxiety than schzoid. I say this because you talk about your behavior at parties, when seing someone you know but not acknowledging the person the way your brother would. The part about craving excitement could be related to your youth or to you feeling more isolated. The daydream you described seems like you are wanting to get noticed by people in general, which is ok. It seems like you may need to take more initiative around people such as simply saying hello to those you know and making sureyou have something interesting to follow up with. That means small talk. If you said hello and the other person greeted you back, then what? Do you have problem making small talk like if you noticed the person had a different car, would it instantly come to mind to comment on the new car? Small talk is commenting on what is. In front of you, movies, music, books, sports, and even other people that both of you know.

The people with schizoid can interact with ot

I am convinced I have this disorder (awaiting clinical assessment)

This caught my attention "I dont understand how its possible for people to not engage with others and still be happy / have a balanced life. its as if these people are robots."

The way I would describe my situation is that my mind is not 'all here' I am perfectly aware of what's going on around me but at the same time my mind is not engaged in the moment, all my responses are very artificial and detached. I tend not to feel in the moment, I tend not to take much notice of the moment (beyond what is necessary) and if I react to the moment it's a reflexive phrase, motion or response.

For example if someone smiles and says hello I will smile back and greet them. I'm not smiling because I'm happy to see them or particullary acknowledging them, I'm smiling because it's a polite and practiced response.

If someone engages me in casual conversation at work I will look them in the eye, fix a look of interest on my face and reply with any number of 'pre-rehersed' conversation in my head, designed to placate them and end the conversation quickly but politely.

What goes on around me in my day-to-day life seems less real than say talking online to you or reading a book. The other half of my mind that's not engaged in the moment is drifting through any number of stories, works of art, locations, theories, fantasies or anything else of interest to me and it's like living two lives at once. I'm here because I physically have to be here and being here requires my participation but wherever my mind goes the rest of the time is the more comfortable and natural environment for me, that's where I would rather be and my mind goes there automatically. It's not something I can control, it happens almost as soon as I wake up and it won't end until I fall asleep. It can be somewhat disorientating, especially if I happen to snap back into the moment suddenly (someone drops something and makes me jump or I have to react suddenly to something)

I am incredably nervous and shy. If I know someone I will open up and chat animatedly to them, there's even a few people I -like- and actively seek out to spend time with but they really are a select few, everyone else is a pleasant aquaintance for the sake of prosperity and necessity.

I don't like to see people hurt or in pain, if I see someone in genuine distress or need that snaps me right back to Earth and into the moment, even if it's a stranger, even if it puts me out or places me well outside my comfort zone. I will focus entirely on that person until I am satisfied they are ok, only then will I return to my 'other' zone.

I don't feel much in the moment, sometimes I feel a spike of genuine amusement or distress but that's it. I act to appear more varied and approachable but inside I am very 'robotic' and distant from my feelings. I do have them but they are very subdued compared to most people's. When I was younger I used to experience a full range of varied emotions and I was right in the moment so I know what I should be feeling vs what I do feel.

Many schizoids don't have a happy or balanced life but they don't care, they don't feel happiness or sadness, self-consciousness or concern in the same way as others and often they don't understand those emotions when they do experience them.

Let me give you an example. If I see someone crying because they had a breakup with their partner I feel genuine concern and pity for them and it upsets me to see them so unhappy, I want to try and comfort them. But I don't actually understand why they are unhappy, I understand the cause of their unhappiness (the breakup) but I don't understand why it causes that kind of sadness and that's what separates me from others so much. I don't understand normal emotional responses, I don't understand what people feel (even if I understand the cause/trigger for those feelings) and so I feel completely isolated because of that.

A colleague of mine was crying in the office the other day because her daughter had been scammed out of a considerable amount of money, the daughter had called her in distress and so she became distressed. My immediate thought was "what good does crying do, there are steps your daughter can and should take to get that money back" and my instinct was to offer advice on how the daughter could get the money back and resolve the problem; but that's not what my colleague wanted, she just wanted to cry and have a shoulder to lean on.

Fair enough, my ear was open and I had a shoulder ready and waiting, but her response made no sense to me so despite my best efforts I was still removed from that colleague and my other colleagues who seemed to 'get' the emotional aspect.

I don't like being around people for that very reason and so I prefer isolation, I understand my own mind and my own responses.

I think people often react irrationally because of their emotions and that unpredictability makes me very wary of trusting them. It's not so much a fear of people as a distrust and awkward sense of self-separation.

I don't have many friends, I do have quite a few aquaintances, I don't automatically consider my family to be in my close circle, there are many family members I am wary around and would rather not bother with. Do I still love them and care about them? Yes.

Is there anyone I trust openly and implicitly? Yes. People who have the time and patience to work through my 'distant' behaviour and understand that my need for space is not an automatic rejection are treated to my full personality (which is actually quite chatty, mischevious and engaging)

I do get lonely, I do seek interraction with others when that loniness gets too much (but afterwards I usually retreat back into isolation for a while)

I do have a job, I work in a medium-sized office and share my immediate workspace with at least 7 others.

I attend social events when specially invited (or obliged to) and I am happy to join in a conversation.

Do I get depression? Yes.

Do I crave excitement? Yes. Something new or exciting will pull me 'into the moment'

However remember that I have not been formally diagnosed and I have had more than a decade to practice my interactions and responses. In some ways I would come across as quite a high-functioning schizoid (at the moment)

What you have describes sounds like social anxiety to me (possibly GAD) and a strong tendency towards introversion.

You seem to lack the emotional dulling that schizoid's experience and the disconnected experience associated with it. The only way I can describe it is like only having half your brain with you and functioning in the moment. You're here but you're not.

My tendencies didn't start emerging until I was 17 and they didn't fully form until my early 20's. It's something that tends to worsen as you age. It's also a disorder strongly associated with schizophrenia in the family. If you have a relative with schizophrenia there is an increased risk of having SPD.