How do I handle a married friend who is in love with me?

Hello, Heyhey!

If this married friend is truly in love with you then you are hardly in the position of "handling" him or her; when love arrives it insists on having its way. It is just as well, another person's behavior is not your responsibility. You can exert an influence only upon your own behavior. If you have no wish to be entangled in this situation then don't respond to it. That's all you can do. You are the arbiter of your own house, not another's.

I have a wonderful set of friends - we'll call them Joe and Jane. I have known them since elementary school, they are like godparents to my kids, they are really wonderful people. They can't have kids of their own and at their age have basically accepted that.

A couple of years ago my husband of 14 years left me. It was very hard but Joe and Jane were there for me, offering support etc. If I had some problem with the house, Joe would come and fix things. He even cut my grass without telling me a few times. (So did Jane, on other occasions.) They are just really great people.

About a year ago I started thinking Joe was spending a bit too much time with me and the kids but I figured it's just because he loves spending time with my kids and they love him. But little things just made me think he was starting to develop feelings for me, or he was starting to think he'd fit very well into the role my ex-husband vacated.

I ignored it, and even started dating other people, thinking that if I wasn't available, Joe would forget about his little idea. I worried that I had led him on if only by enjoying his company. (I mean, after being left by your husband, it's nice when a kind man shows interest in you.) But I stopped responding to all his texts, I tried to mention Jane as often as I could in conversations.

A couple of weeks ago he called me and started to tell me he loved me. I stopped him, told him he shouldn't say anymore, and that was that. Today, Jane called and said they'd had a big fight. I can tell they're having trouble and I want to be a good friend to her and let her talk to me about it, but I feel like I'm lying to her. I know what Joe's feeling, what his issue is, so I feel like I can't commiserate with her. But she's my best friend. I can't tell her the truth because I can't hurt her, and I can't imagine her hating me, and hopefully Joe will just get over his fixation and realize that he and I can never be together. I would never betray her. If it came down to it, I'd choose her over him.

Do I talk to him? Or do I just stay out of it as best I can and hope he just deals with it? I'm stressed about this. I can't talk to anyone I know about it. That feels like betraying both of them. Anyone have any advice?

I have been in a similar situation.

Speak to him directly. Tell him you care about them both, and you hope he sorts things out "with his wife". Tell him you are sorry, but you are not interested in going between them, so he needs to deal with the situation or you will be forced to cut ties with them altogether.

I have to warn you that the guy who came looking for me did not listen, it was necessary to cut ties with them after a couple of tertiary things happened. It wasn't pleasant, but I did everything possible not to tell the wife. She had put up with him running around town, but it wasn't going to ever be with me.

Once you live long enough, I swear you start to see everything. I hope he gets the message loud and clear - my best suggestion would be for you to make an effort to spend a bit more time around the wife. That should give him the picture. I hope it works.

Politely. There's nothing you can actually do about the situation. All you can do is not encourage it.

You stay away from him/her. If you have to say it out aloud, say it out loud - YOU'RE MARRIED - STAY AWAY, I'M NOT INTERSTED!!!

Mistress montage, pornhub. You're welcome.