Getting married and not happy? He's selling house and moving in. I am not happy really...Anyone there?

Question

I was quite sure of my love for him but I am not sure now if I just fear going back to being single mom now. His lifestyle wares me out physically and emotionally. He gets up at 545 and comes home at 8pm. His dog is in my house and is ill and I can't keep him barking all day for the discomfort and loneliness. His daughters are too much for me, they are at the centre of his life and my son just goes into his room and isolates himself because his daughters take the physical and emotional space of my home. They are all moving into my house, and we need to reconvert the garage to create additional room for the girls. Once he has done everything, at 10pm he comes out of the shower and walks the dog. I feel lonely, consumed by his own daily issues, having to take care of 4 additional beings. There is more. One of his exes is nasty; but really nasty. She said the little daughter is exposed to rape when she goes out at the park with my son and his friends; that the little daughter is unhappy to live with me, and that the older daughter is unhappy too. I know all these things are not true but weekly there is a nasty bit and I simply am having enough. Another part of me says he is lovely and he isn't really doing anything bad to me, he is not treating me badly, he has asked me to marry him, and he is selling the house to be with me, we'll have more money to buy help for dog and house, his ex will eventually resign, so things will improve and I should just be patient. But feel empty...

Kit Fang · Accepted Answer

You are in a relationship in which you feel exhausted, lonely, and overwhelmed. Regardless of anything else, that's not right. I think you need to take some time out and think about whether or not you are happy. Because if you are not, then regardless of how much you love this guy, this is not the relationship, or the situation, for you.

Amz · Answer

Do not say "I DO" until you have had time to think more about this. Tell him NOW that you need more time to consider the marriage because you are feeling overwhelmed right. Go into counseling alone. Talk this over with a trained professional that can help break through some of these thoughts you have. Maybe you just don't wanna to marry this guy. Maybe you're just being overwhelmed and when you look at everything individually, it's not too much to deal with. Either way, you have got to get your thoughts aligned and figured out before you marry this man.

I know he'll be very disappointed, but it's better to be disappointed now than to be wrecked later.

Coach Simon · Answer

Clearly you are not happy now, and marrying him (etc.) will just make things worse, which I think you realise.

You must tell him that you can no longer have his daughters or his dog and he must remove them by, say Christmas. Or New Year (no doubt he'll have free time during the holiday periods).

You have no relationship, really, and no life. More importantly, your son is probably lonely and unhappy when he really must be your priority. He does not seem to be. I doubt that he thinks so either, which does not make him feel confident and secure.

Do the right thing; it might feel painful initially, but you'll both have a much better life.

Good Luck!

Orla C · Answer

If you're not happy now, you need to reconsider the situation.

? · Answer

DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH THIS MARRIAGE! You do not love him and the reason is because when one does love, there is no: I am quite sure, about it!

You have a wonderful chance to get out before it is too late and so, DO TAKE IT.

Pearl L · Answer

maybe you shouldnt marry him if you feel that way

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Getting married and not happy? He's selling house and moving in. I am not happy really...Anyone there?

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