michaellesamuels

I need to repost, sorry, because I had only a couple of perspectives and i wasnt clear on what has happened. 

We split up a year ago. Got back together. Split again in autumn. Problem is we fight especially when we drink.

After our last split we both started dating, but I missed him. I got back in touch in jan and accepted that he was dating. I hoped that he'd eventually choose me. 

He then said he had met another woman and things were going well. I ask lots of questions and got him to tell me a lot about that relationship. We have a strong connection and he trusts me. I kept sleeping with him hoping he'd eventually leave her. 

When I realised that he wasn't going to leave her I contacted the woman and said everything.She had no idea. She broke up with him immediately. 

Same night he blocked me. He was furious. He texted me that I was manipulative and evil, that I got him to open up to me and used that information against him and her. He said I need to cut you out of my life.

I was in despair. I can't cope when he's angry with me. Eventually I went to see him and we spoke a lot and we kind of went forward from there. I said I did it because I know he loves me more and it wasn't fair on the other woman.

We seem to be doing OK at the moment. But will he regret the other relationship? Will I accept that he was making love with her and 'seeing a future with her? Or is our love stronger? Will the relationship heal from this all?

I have been on and off with him for 17 months. We love each other i think. However we broke up because we fight a lot. I mean a lot especially if we drink. We broke up and during the 2 months apart he started dating. I got back in touch with him and he told me he was dating. I stayed around anyway hoping he'd eventually choose me. A month ago I realised that he had started seeing someone regularly and that the thing was getting serious. I ask lots of questions and got him to tell me a lot about that relationship. We have a strong connection and he trusts me. I kept sleeping with him hoping he'd pick me. But he wasn't giving up on the other woman. He said he saw a future for them but wasn't letting me go either. I couldn't cope any more so I found the other woman and got in touch. I told her I was still involved and that he was lying to her. That woman had no idea. She broke up with him immediately and said to me she was sorry. I feel sorry for her too she seemed very nice. He blocked me right away and was furious that day I contacted her. He texted me that I was manipulative and evil, that I got him to open up to me and use that information against him and her. I was in despair. I can't cope when he's angry with me. Eventually I went to see him and we spoke a lot and we kind of went forward from there. I think what we have is special. What do you think is the chance this will work?? Tell me honestly maybe some of you have been in a similar situation. Thank you 

His ex recently got in touch with me to let me known they kept seeing each other. Thus finished with him. However while chatting with this ex (not so ex obviously...from her point of view i am the lover) I realised she knew very many details of what we did when we were at his house..."i know when you got to the spare room you found the book on the table"..."i know when the amazon mail arrived on Saturday night you asked why amazon delivers at night...they were my parcels for him". She also knew my texts to him etc. That I can understand...she might have got into his phone and checked. But how would she know what I did or said? I am worried she might have planted cameras in the house and videos of me might circulate. What should I do? Ps. Known the Jerk only a couple of months so not too bothered and glad to be out but freaks me out that she'd know these details. Any advice what to do? Should I go to the police? I sent him a message to ask but doubt I'll get an answer. 

Scenario 1. Good date but I don't think I am interested. End the date feeling a bit bad about it so I say "it was really lovely to meet you. It would be nice to know a bit more about you. Shall I give you my n so maybe we can arrange another coffee?" While my mind is saying to me What the hello why are you giving him your number you idiot?

Scenario 2. Good date and I would like to meet this man again. Not 100 x cent sure but yes I would like to know more about him. But I am a bit unsure about how to end the date so I say "it was really lovely to meet you. It would be nice to know more about you if you would like it. Maybe we can swap numbers on the app and arrange another coffee?" While by mind is saying to me Why are you doing his job on his behalf you idiot? Guy obviously says "yes that would be very nice" and clearly I have no idea if that was meant or it was me putting him in the position of having to say so.

So...I think I need to have some urgent prepared script in my head to learn by heart and recite. That includes silence of course. 

In both scenarios I just felt bad not saying anything...that's probably the underlying issue.

Thanks for advice. Will be very gratefully appreciated x

When I met him I knew he was going to move back to Spain. He wants to be close to his mom who is elderly. So we stayed friends. But over time we got closer. I was not willing to be intimate unless we'd try to keep each other after he moved, and am happy with let things unfold. Instead he struggled without a long term plan. We talked about how we could make it work and he decided to keep the job in Manchester and work from abroad. This way he can come to UK on a regular basis. So we started a relationship. After 2 3 months the day arrived. He left the UK last week and went on hol with his family, I went on hol with my friends. Then went to my home as my uncle is very ill and probably terminal. I let him know. I am not happy with the quality and degree of communication we have had since he left. We spoke maybe twice and as he doesn't keep the phone with him there is maybe a general text a day. No real communication. Since i told him that i was back home to visit my uncle he hasnt even called to ask how he is or i feel. I understand that he has very limited experience with women despite being 40+ but i am not happy about how distant he is.

Because intimacy for me was important, closing this relationship now leaves me with a sense of having been somehow violated and not respected. But I do want better interaction for him. I don't want phone texting every minute but I do expect communication and interest in each other's life. What should I say to him? Thankx

My boyfriend sold his house and moved in with me with two daughters. There were lots of problems (two daughters from two different moms, one who had committed suicide and the second who would claim she would take her life every other day)...anyway, after 1 and half year and 5 months of co-habitation, we finally managed to separate. Since he moved in, because there were three extra people in the house, all my bills have doubled. I believe that he should pay for the difference between what my bills were and what my bills are now, up until the bills have gone down. I don't want any money from him for anything - he hasn't shared the mortgage or anything; and we recently decided to repaint the whole house and obviously now that will fall on me only, which is fine (the house is my property). However, I think that it would be fair if he continued to pay the difference between what I paid before (say, I paid 50 pound in electricity and since he moved in the bill went up to 100) and what I am going to pay for the next few months, until the bills get down (there is a reading every 6 months or every year so I will have to continue to pay the higher bills for several months). He thinks he should only pay for the 5 months he has lived in the house formally with me. I think this is wrong. Any advice please?

Someone gave me GTA 5 for my son. He is 11. I am not sure it is the right game. He says that many of his friends have it an play with it...anyone can advise? If it is ok to let him play, what should the limits be? Once a week for 30 min or just occasionally or can i be more flexible or should I just park the game for when hes older? ta xx

I was quite sure of my love for him but I am not sure now if I just fear going back to being single mom now. His lifestyle wares me out physically and emotionally. He gets up at 545 and comes home at 8pm. His dog is in my house and is ill and I can't keep him barking all day for the discomfort and loneliness. His daughters are too much for me, they are at the centre of his life and my son just goes into his room and isolates himself because his daughters take the physical and emotional space of my home. They are all moving into my house, and we need to reconvert the garage to create additional room for the girls. Once he has done everything, at 10pm he comes out of the shower and walks the dog. I feel lonely, consumed by his own daily issues, having to take care of 4 additional beings. There is more. One of his exes is nasty; but really nasty. She said the little daughter is exposed to rape when she goes out at the park with my son and his friends; that the little daughter is unhappy to live with me, and that the older daughter is unhappy too. I know all these things are not true but weekly there is a nasty bit and I simply am having enough. Another part of me says he is lovely and he isn't really doing anything bad to me, he is not treating me badly, he has asked me to marry him, and he is selling the house to be with me, we'll have more money to buy help for dog and house, his ex will eventually resign, so things will improve and I should just be patient. But feel empty...

He is a lovely dad but as single father of two girls a bit overprotective. The 16 yo gives him orders, hangs up on him, won't let him know where she is, calls him at any time of night that suits her, 2 3 am to be picked up and fished out of some funny situations, every weekend is out all night, comes home drunk. Her mother has had to call the police several times in the last few weeks. I have a NAUSEA. My son would not DREAM of speaking to me that way, or anyone. My partner is a good may but he is unable to set boundaries with the girls. The 16 yo is also a lovely girl in many ways, but she worries me a great deal. In any case, I am not having in my home this level of disrespect, and I don't know how to help my partner. We stay together most evenings and nights but I told him I wanted to be by myself for a while to think about the situation. We love each other and are very committed. But I very simply don't want anyone to come in my home and speak to me or my partner or anyone of my family in her manner, or lie, or hang up, or come home drunk every weekend - I would not take it from my own son, and am not willing to take it from his daughter. Should I say this clearly to him? I don't want to lose him. Anyone been there? What's the right thing to do? Thanks

He is a lovely dad but as single father of two girls a bit overprotective. The 16 yo gives him orders, hangs up on him, won't let him know where she is, calls him at any time of night that suits her, 2 3 am to be picked up and fished out of some funny situations, every weekend is out all night, comes home drunk. Her mother has had to call the police several times in the last few weeks. I have a NAUSEA. My son would not DREAM of speaking to me that way, or anyone. My partner is a good may but he is unable to set boundaries with the girls. The 16 yo is also a lovely girl in many ways, but she worries me a great deal. In any case, I am not having in my home this level of disrespect, and I don't know how to help my partner. We stay together most evenings and nights but I told him I wanted to be by myself for a while to think about the situation. We love each other and are very committed. But I very simply don't want anyone to come in my home and speak to me or my partner or anyone of my family in her manner, or lie, or hang up, or come home drunk every weekend - I would not take it from my own son, and am not willing to take it from his daughter. Should I say this clearly to him? I don't want to lose him. Anyone been there? What's the right thing to do? Thanks

Dopo 6 mesi di relazione (lui 42 io 43 anni con figli) lui ha cominciato a parlare del futuro. Innamoratissimo, mi dice che desidererebbe tanto portarmi nella sua citta natale e incontrare la sua famiglia. Per lui e' importantissimo, dice, andare con tutti i bambini e avere una prima vacanza come una famiglia. Pensavo fosse una cosa un po' speciale e unica per lui.

Ora ieri sera scopro una cosa: che esattamente l'anno prima, stesso agosto 2015, fa lo stesso identico viaggio a casa della madre con un'altra donna, e tutti i figli. La prima mia reazione e' stata: ma e' matto?? In un anno si innamora due volte, si impegna due volte in maniera cosi seria, coinvolge i bambini e addirittura la madre e la sua famiglia?? Poi mi sono ricordata una cosa: quando avevamo appena iniziato a vederci, abbiamo parlato degli incontri con i figli. Lui ha detto che voleva prendere un po di tempo e voleva anche che io conoscessi la madre delle figlie, perche "un anno fa" ha detto "sono uscito un breve periodo con una donna e era una relazione senza futuro, io sono stato sconsiderato, ho coinvolto i bambini subito senza capire che era un rapporto artificioso, la mia ex e' rimasta molto male perche' ho coinvolto i figli in una storia senza riflettere, io mi vergogno tantissimo di me stesso e di come mi sono comportato". Come devo affrontare questa cosa?Cerca qualcosa dalle donne? Si innamora a vanvera? Sono molto preoccupata per questa cosa. Cosa devo fare?

It's been 1st time that the daughter has been on her own in my house. She was very unpolite, left dirty dishes, bed undone (my house is always tidy and cosy), ate food and left all dirty. But what was worse is that she took my son's ipad charger. When I asked my bf, her dad, to see whether she had taken, she said no. I said the charger was there and she was using for her phone, she said that it's true she took it but it was hers, she claimed to have left it at mine last sleep over (nearly 2 months ago). In any case, even if it was hers, she should have said before removing anything from my home. It is not the only issue my bf has with her - indeed both daughters are very problematic and he is struggling. I will do my bits with her (i.e. she is no longer to step into my house till I have full reassurance that she is respectful to her dad and me, and she is not to eat my food and benefit from my home, that's a given; if it had been my own son to have done that, I would have straight taken him to the police, that's also for sure but can't do that with my bf's kids, and it is not up to me to educate them). But I have a strong feeling that I should let her mom know too. Point is: if my son had done something at my ex's partner or anywhere else, I would really want to know. In fact, I'd go livid with the adults if my son did any of this and they didn't tell me. Am I wrong? Should I just keep this for me and my Bf to handle? (well...really I don't want to handle...)

I have a wonderful man, father of 3. The 3 child is really difficult. She is 6 and she is like a 2 years old; screams night, screams in shops, says she is scared of everything (window, car, house). I have a son and he is physically destroyed by her because every night she ll scream and call dad for every thing, from the pillow falling off bed to fears of something. I love my man and he is a great dad, but we are both lost in this. I have asked him to see someone, maybe even together, to report our experiences and get help but he is reluctant. He is a child psychologist himself but tends to justify the daughter a lot, and thus to infantilise her (at least that s my impression). He is every day shattered. Being with her is huge sacrifice for everyone; I have never experienced this with any child. I want to support him and help him - she is unhappy about everything, if we go to a restaurant she moans, if we cook something home she complains, if we propose swimming pool she says she doesn t want to, if we stay at mine she doesn t want to, if we propose park she doesn t want to. I really don t know what to do and how to help my boyfriend. I love him very much and I am worried for him, not only for our relationship. Anyone can advise please?? Daughter is 6, she is ok in school but had apparently some issues in social integration, otherwise smart kid. My son is 10 and feels guitly he can t help my bf or her! :( We re shattered!

anyone knows whether this car is good?

Between this and a urban cruiser Toyota, which one would you choose?

We have only dated for 2 months but he seems quite serious about us. He has introduced me to the older daughter (16 yo) but not to the youngest (7). I like taking things slow and not rushing into 'family life'; however when he picked me up and my son was there I introduced them. We have been out for breakfast once and I am comfortable with these small things. He keeps the younger away from me. "Can we meet up a couple of hours Sunday before I go and pick up my daughter?" "I have my daughter on Sunday but I wonder whether we can go out on Saturday?" This begins to hurt. I talked to him about how I feel about this - and asked why it is ok to have met the older but he keeps so much the younger away from me.

He said he has discussed 'me' with ex and would like me to meet her before the child, so that she can be comfortable with the thing. He said that he is absolutely serious and has long term intentions with me and he wants to do things in the right way to ensure that I have the right place in his life with his children. He said that he is willing to come towards me and meet mid way if I feel uncomfortable. He asked me to have faith in him.

We are both in our 40s. He could get a hotter younger girl to play. But I wonder: is he lying? Or should I have faith? How long should I wait? When he says, let's meet 2 hours before I pick up the girl, should I do it, even if it makes me feel a bit of 'an affair' or just accept his wishes and see what he does in the next month or two?

I have met someone two months ago. I am in my early 40s and have not been in a long term relationship for a long time. I have indeed collected a series of disastrous relationships - mainly cos I prefer to finish a so-so relationship than carry it on just to have a partner. Now with him I feel really great! He makes me happy and I think I make him happy. He seems normal hurrah!! I think I have met a normal, down to earth, fun sensible man with a good heart and an intelligent mind. All is perfect. I stopped sleeping though! I cannot stop thinking about him, and I am normally a rather calm and laid back woman! Realistically, if things didn't work it would not be the end of the world - we have known each other two months, I would get my life back as it was. So I don't know whether what I feel is fear, anxiety, or just adrenaline from happiness!! Though I have been sleeping 5 hours a night for a week now I am OK during the day, not tired.

I want to enjoy this relationship because it is so much fun! We go see comedy, play music, to gigs, to watch live sport, dance, we do so much together in spite us both having full time demanding careers and being lone parents. Am I going to relax at some point? If this is anxiety will it seep in and break this relationship? How do I start sleeping? I am tempted to get to sleeping pills just to help me cope with this first strange new period of my life!! Anyone been there??

I have met someone two months ago. I am in my early 40s and have not been in a long term relationship for a long time. I have indeed collected a series of disastrous relationships - mainly cos I prefer to finish a so-so relationship than carry it on just to have a partner. Now with him I feel really great! He makes me happy and I think I make him happy. He seems normal hurrah!! I think I have met a normal, down to earth, fun sensible man with a good heart and an intelligent mind. All is perfect. I stopped sleeping though! I am SSSOOO scared. I cannot stop thinking about him, and I am normally a rather calm and laid back woman! Realistically, if things didn't work it would not be the end of the world - we have known each other two months, I would get my life back as it was. So I don't know what I am scared of!

I want to enjoy this relationship because it is so much fun! We go see comedy, play music, to gigs, to watch live sport, dance, we do so much together in spite us both having full time demanding careers and being lone parents. I want to endure my anxiety hoping that I relax at some point, because I don't want this fear of I dont even know what to seep in and break this relationship. Any advice? How do I start sleeping? I am tempted to get to sleeping pills just to help me cope with this first scary new period of my life!! Anyone been there??

I came to the UK 15 years ago for work. I have wonderful kid, job, a beautiful home,quite close friends. After the break with my son's dad I have been unable to form another family.I have had many relationships.none has worked. I have worked on myself to try to smoothe myself out to make space for someone special. But i seem to keep bumping into jerks. So it's just been a collection of disasters. I am fairly active and sociable and do lots of different things gym go out with friends tennis squad hiking climbing. I am not "isolated" but I don't have anyone really close and I miss that enormously. It's really sucking life away. Especially with my kid I need to be happy and steady but this loneliness bleaks everything. It's just not about a man in your life, but feeling connected and rooted. The world seems such a lonely place: anyone in same position? How do you cope? advice? I am 42 I am losing all hopes...

I came to the UK 15 years ago for work. I have wonderful kid, job, a beautiful home,quite close friends. After the break with my son's dad I have been unable to form another family.I have had many relationships.none has worked. I have worked on myself to try to smoothe myself out to make space for someone special. But i seem to keep bumping into jerks. So it's just been a collection of disasters. I am fairly active and sociable and do lots of different things gym go out with friends tennis squad hiking climbing. I am not "isolated" but I don't have anyone really close and I miss that enormously. It's really sucking life away. Especially with my kid I need to be happy and steady but this loneliness bleaks everything. It's just not about a man in your life, but feeling connected and rooted. The world seems such a lonely place: anyone in same position? How do you cope? advice? I am 42 I am losing all hopes...