cute_chocolate_buggie

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to meet a person at a two-night convention. We had dinner both nights. The first night was okay, given I was a bit tipsy and he was definitely a gentleman to not allow me drive home. We had a great conversation, but, thanks to the alcohol, I wasn't there fully to really assess his personality. However the last night we had dinner, I figured out his true colors. I became turned off to his outlook on life. We share the same zodiac sign and I think that's why I am turned off to his characteristics. I've done a lot of research with the characteristics of my sign and read that from him. I am afraid I'll go down the same path and realized that I want to make changes to myself.

So, is this a normal human reaction to want to improve self? Am I being selfish reacting to someone's problems to improve my own? Please share your thoughts. Thank you.

I got a temporary job working for my state's House of Representatives during its legislative session. Once the position is over, I am back out in the job market. Do you think there are benefits to finding stable, full-time work after working for this employer? Or, do you think I'll be back out in the unemployment line working hard to find work.

Thanks.

I have noticed over the years that I attract myself to certain men. Sadly, many of them do not reciprocate the feelings. I guess I pick up signals that make me think they like me, but eventually do not. Maybe I am someone who they can get attention from...I don't know. Plus, my physical and personality characteristics don't seem to match with theirs, so I can understand why they do not like me. I have some assumptions as to why, but I won't mention it here. Yet, I do have another dilemma.

There are men that like me and I do not like them back. It's not like I have a lot of guys chasing me given I am not around many, but the few that do have characteristics that I am not attracted to. I don't think I am a snob and some tend to be too aggressive. I have recently learned that I am shy and want to run away from them. I guess the way I am going, I will probably never date or get married.

Some things to also consider: I used to be very aggressive in chasing after men, but have learned a very harsh lesson that most men do not like to be chased. I just graduated from a university where I was around students that were not be attracted to me due to age, race, body type perception. On a positive note, I am living in a new city, so this could be in my favor. I am not into dating online given that's what I did during my first 5 years of dating (I started when I was 18) and want to learn how to market myself without the help of a computer.

Please do not think I am weird. Just trying to better understand myself. I appreciate any advice. Thanks!

There's a guy I recently met here at school and we play around in a joking way. He tends to pick on me to see how far he can push his buttons while I react back by punching him back. (A little brother would to his older sister). When I react back to him, I'll usually say "I don't like you". Yet, he and I have the best, intellectual conversations, especially since he and I come from two separate countries. It is amazing how both countries have a lot in common and I enjoy learning a lot from him. He's one of my favorite people.

But, I have noticed his characteristics (free-spirit, adventurous, attractive, extroverted, very optimistic, Caucasian, great bod, youngest child in a very loving family) are my opposite of mine (structured, cautious, introverted, not very attractive, pessimistic, African-American, struggles with weight, eldest child from a separated family) that I am exceptionally attracted to him. And, when I am around him, my sarcasm is at its highest or I'll say mean things to him.

Deep down, I feel if I go along with his happy-go-lucky personality, I'll fall for him, like the other men I've liked in the past similar to his personality, and he'll reject me like the other men have with me.

Why am I so mean to him and other men like him? Am I pushing him away?

I'm booking a flight and I notice it states my flight from Los Angeles to Toyko is average 13 - 18 hours long. Now, am physically sitting on the flight for that long or is that calculating day I'm losing? I've never traveled abroad before and I'm just figuring out how this works.

Thanks!

Once again, I've been manipulated into something and I had to once again put my foot down. It's through the guidance of talking this out to friends that I keep making stupid, stupid mistakes. I feel like all this year, I have had to constantly put my foot down with people. I read a common Virgo trait is that we have book sense, but not common sense. Am I fulfilling this or is this due to lack of experience? And, how do I solve this issue because I'm starting to become more and more mistrusting of people?

Thanks

I want to be in one, but I don't want to be in one. Deep down I yearn for one, but my actions tend to say something different. I don't know why this is and how to correct it. I've tried asking past boyfriends and guy friends, but they don't seem to say anything important. And, I can't go into counseling because of certain reasons I cannot state here. Why am I so ambivalent?

Sometimes, I feel like a social outcast. I know I have a tendency to be a bit intimidating because I speak well or am deemed by people as highly intelligent (which there is absolutely no proficiency test as evidence).

I know I struggle with wanting to be social with people, but screw up when I am. I try to be vulnerable the only way I know how and it turns people off. I feel I've always been a bit more "older" than most and really never had a lot of social contacts growing up. Plus, I'm not a typical person meaning I don't seem to act like how I am supposed to based on my characteristics ("I'm not female enough", "I'm too white", "I have too much personality for someone my size"). I know this is something many employers have seen over the years and have placed me in jobs isolated from customers or clients within their business.

I want to be positive, but return back to being negative. I used to have joy in my life with being around people I could talk to and joining clubs. Now, it seems I've returned back to being the person I hated becoming. And to make matters worse, a person I wanted very badly is with someone else and I had to make the harsh decision to let it go for it was emotionally hurting me on the inside.

I will say I've got exciting endeavors coming starting next month, but I have to get through the next three weeks. How does one get their joy back? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

One of the great things about college is figuring out who you are; what you like and don't like. Over the past couple of years, I've found I don't fit well into groups. Even more, I don't fit in well with people who aren't very encouraging, competitive, immature and wants to do things at the last minute. I've realized I don't communicate well with people though I've taken classes, read books and so forth to help with this. One thing that doesn't help is that I am a minority, a loner and older than my classmates. These characteristics that are playing against me instead of for me. I'm tired all the time and people think I'm being negative against their ideas. Really, I think very, very logically versus flighty. Lately, I've been irrational with their stress and mine.

On top of it, I feel alienated from the team I'm working with in school. I feel my team members and my professor all seem to be a part of the team and I'm on the outside. I guess I'm not a "groupthink" kind of person and feel this is against me. I don't understand why I don't follow the crowd or tend to alienate against people.

I know there's a game to this, but everytime I get the answers and do it for myself, I fail. People have offered advice, but I don't seem to follow it correctly. Is this normal? How do I offset my emotions or the need to run away? Is this the Virgo in me or what (lol...gotta throw the astrology in there for fun)?

Thank you.

I've realized I can be emotionally cold and distant. I'm sometimes too serious and grown-up (I've always been an old soul). I'm an introvert unless I need to get a point across and I'm extroverted and passionate. Sometimes, I struggle expressing how I feel when I don't know what to say, unless I really know the subject. I can be argumentative and critical. I will admit I have been a bit depressed and a loner. I want to change this because I don't see much positivity with these traits. I like to read, serve people and research. Basically, I can be boring.

How can I warm my personality?

P.S. I'm an older student in college and I can't say I've had the "time in my life" like people say I should have here in college.

P.S.S. I'm also a Virgo. Not sure if that helps any.

Since attending college 3 years ago, I've noticed how different of a person I've become. I've done everything to losing weight (though I still need to lose more), change my outward appearance, rededicated my life to God/brought Christianity back into my life, get psychiatric help and so forth. Though I'm glad I've been proactive in getting my life on track, I'm starting to see how I've hurt and push people away and I know I can't get many of those people back.

I've also noticed I'm still not very loving, trusting, positive or accepting of others, myself and God. I've been accused of being too critical, serious, over analytical, a perfectionist, controlling and mean. I allow my emotions to get the best of me at times. I mix up being too guarded and too vulnerable at the wrong times with the wrong people. I easily beat myself up and sometimes others as a result. I don't have a community and don't feel I can go on.

I'm trying to change, but I just can't adjust quick enough for everyone and everything.

How do learn to achieve the above question? Thanks.

(I'm in group therapy, but it doesn't allow me to open up like I need it to. And, I don't qualify for any more individual therapy sessions at my school's health clinic.)

I'm a Virgo. I keep attracting the same signs over and over again as friends and ones I want to date/marry. The main ones I keep getting are Scorpios, Pisces and Cancers. Though I get along with them well, they seem to think they can change me and get me to lighten up. Also, they tend to attach!

Other signs are Tauruses, Capricorns (who are more practical and logical) and Geminis and Aries (which I tend to talk a lot with).

Why do I always attract certain signs and not others? Is this observance normal or something I'm reading too much into?

Thanks for the explanation.

My beginning reason to lose weight was to impress a guy. Yes, I know it is pathetic. Ironically, my motivation turned from impressing him to impressing me because I saw progress and gained confidence. As a result, I lost 50 lbs, my health got better and I liked how I looked.

But, after a depressing spring college semester (which included the guy leaving school for the semester and letting go of other things in my life) I fell back into a sedentary lifestyle, my old eating habits and regained my low self-esteem. I think I've also gained 6 - 8 lbs.

Now, I feel like I'm back to square one. I don't have the motivation I need to try this again. I feel defeated because I'm starting all over again. And, I'm a bit bored with what I did beforehand to lose weight.

Any suggestions on how to remotivate myself to lose weight again? And, how do I do it without feeling like I'm trying to impress this guy (who's coming back to school) or any guy again as a source of my self-worth?

One problem I have: letting go. I know it has a lot to do with my past of never making close friends, people constantly leaving my life and I'd subconsciously push people away. I'm fiercely independent until someone proves I should break my guard down. Once the guard is down and they leave me and I'm left hurt and attached. I'll overanalyze as to what I did to the point it depresses me. Then, I can't let go.

This especially happens with guys. They are making it more harder for me to see them in a good light.

There are so few people who understand me. I realize I intimidate people and know I'm "too much" to handle (I've been told this and known this since I was a child). So, if someone takes the time to see who I am, they must be important, right? I'm starting to find more and more that seclusion and isolation are the best ways to keep from getting hurt.

Why is this? And how does someone guard themselves from it ever happening again?

Serious answers, please. Thanks.

Sure, the Cardinals are natural born. Fire gets the project started. But, can Virgos become a leader and be on top? Or, are we the lower, service-oriented people the astrologists claim we'll always be.

Sometimes, I hate being a Virgo. I wish someone would reveal some of the positive traits behind being a virgo besides being meticulous, analytical and detailed.

I'll be honest: When I meet guys, I don't know how to be "just friends" with them without thinking they like me. I've pushed many away by being overly giving or pushy and now feel like crap.

My guard right now is VERY, VERY high and I don't even want them in my life anymore. I keep screwing up and I'm hurt.

I don't want to be bitter, but at the same time I don't know what or how to feel. Thanks.

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." - William James.

How do you want to be treated as a person? How do you not want to be treated as a person? If you treat people right, they'll treat you right. Took me a long time to see this.

(Please steer away from the sarcasm, sexual remarks and so forth. Please respond with genuine answers. Thank you.)

I see the light now and I'm tired of pointing the blame for others and how they've hurt me. I'm finally realizing I've pushed people away and hurt myself.

Now, I want to redeem myself to the ones who've backed away or are ignoring me. I've been getting help in many forms (counseling, books, interpersonal relationship classes, etc.) on how to better myself to the people around me. It's been a tough struggle over the last year and a half, but I am persistent and selfish on getting this right!

Do I move on and learn the lessons or fight my damnest to get them back?

Thanks.

P.S. Confessional to all the good men out there: you're not all bad people. For years I had a lot of anger towards the gender as a whole. Now, I'm finding that I shouldn't attest a couple of bad ones for everyone. For that, I am sorry.

When I talk to people in informal conversation, I'll ALWAYS refer back to what someone says about a topic or a previous conversation...

"So-in-so said that...."

"When I talked to so-in-so they said that..."

"You'll never believe what so-in-so said about..."

I wonder if people believe I can't keep a secret. Or, I can't think of something intelligent on my own and have to quote what someone else says. My intent isn't to gossip, but just to attribute someone's words or actions.

Is this bad? Should I stop doing this to ensure that I can keep information inside of me?

Thanks for your advice. :-)

I signed a year lease and was under old rules with the apartment company. Their claim: as long as I had a co-signer, I was fine under their old credit check company's policy.

Apparently, the apartment complex's parent office changed their credit check company and policy AFTER I signed my lease and now claim my co-signer does not qualify under the new credit rules. There's a possibility I may not qualify either. They recently placed this information for all inquiring residents of their property, but did not inform me.

My co-signer nor I were notified of the denied credit after signing the lease until now (I assume this is required under the Fair Credit Act). Now I risk being evicted and paying back a year's rent because of lack of information on the apartment complex and their parent management company's decision.

Should I be under the old stipulations or the new ones?

I realize each state is different and I will seek legal counsel.

Please help with info. Thank you.