grayselegy

My fiancee of years and I were going to get married last year. We have a long distance relationship but I thought we were OK. Unfortunately, due to lack of money, I couldn't visit her as planned last year, and I knew this disappointed her dreadfully and apologised - she seemed OK with it. Then she said she has had a baby by IVF, now age 4 mths. She broke this news to me when I confirmed when I could see her and hoped to marry her then. I was surprised but went ahead with the visit, albeit not the marriage. Thing is, I adore her and I still love her and her son is so loveable. I think I'm still going to go ahead and marry her anyway (I'm not a fool, I just find it easy to forgive, and she is perfect for me in most respects). But that's not my question - Why do you think she did this without discussing it with me? She is 30 and I'm 53, though I don't think it's the age gap that matters, just the ticking of her body clock that drove her to need to have a baby now - but if she felt this strong, why didn't she even discuss it with me first? I might even have agreed, or found some way to visit her and make her pregnant myself, but this choice was denied me and it is that, not her needing to have the child, that puzzles me. If I overlook this and marry her anyway, can I trust her? Why did she not mention this to me at all, until I was due to see her again? Is this a weird thing to do or am I missing something?

The UKBA (U.K.Border Agency) has just brought in a rule saying you can't bring into the UK, and live with, a spouse unless you earn over £18,000. My question is, does this apply to the gross or net income of a self employed person?

Basically, a self employed person can claim far more expenses than an employed person. For example, the cost of running a car, buying a laptop and materials - the tools of his/her trade. These costs are offset against tax. Which means a poorly paid s.e. person with a good accountant can often in real terms be doing better than an employed person on better gross pay, who has to pay tax and N.I. at source and for such items out of taxed income. But in minimising their taxable income so, does it mean they fall below the threshold of the UKBA bar?

For example. A s.e.person earns £30,000 gross (ie. turnover) but after expenses such as his car are deducted he declares a net profit of £10,000 so he pays little tax. Does the UKBA look on his earnings as £30k or £10k? The former would allow him to bring in his spouse, the latter not?

Does anyone know the answer?

Thanks.

Does anyone know the rules regarding a non UK immigrant marrying and having a child with a British resident?

It should be simple, but I can't find the answer on the UKBA site. Basically, the situation is:

# English father born and bred married to an African national woman

# Wife is in the UK on a visitor visa, and is pregnant with his child

# Intends to give birth whilst in the UK but then must return to Africa under visa rules.

So, can the father register the child as a UK resident, before the child and mother have to leave the UK? Will that child have permanent UK residency even if living temporarily in Africa?

Will having a child together help their/her application to live in the UK?

Really hope someone can explain the rules simply! Thanks.

I live in Africa and have a girlfriend who is an Inuit. She recently has seemed very cold and distant. Why do you think this is?

In the U.K. you now need to show you earn over £18,600 to be allowed to bring your spouse (married partner) into the U.K. from a non EU country. Does anyone know how the new income rule works if you are self employed? As you may know, a self employed person can claim numerous costs against tax as they run their own business, such as their car (used for work), office in the home, phone bills, clothes, etc - this reduces the tax bill, but it also reduces the income stated on their books. In other words, a self employed person may show an income of, say, £15,000 p.a. after business running costs of £20,000, but this equates to an employed person earning £35,000 p.a.

Would the self employed person be able to claim their gross income was enough to support their spouse, or does the rule apply to their net income?

One solution might be to set up a limited company, and pay oneself just enough to qualify under the rule - would this work, do you think?

We all wish each other this, but for you specifically, what would make it a happy New Year?

I was chatting to someone and they said that in Nigeria there are no free emergency healthcare services (like we have on the NHS here in the UK) and I just wondered if Nigerians have to pay for the basic healthcare we take for granted (like maternity or A&E)?

I tried Googling it but couldn't seem to find an answer for this. Any Nigerians out there can tell me for sure?

And if it's not free, what do you do if you are admitted due to an accident (eg. you're unconscious after a car accident) and yet have no method of paying any bill? What does the hospital do? Thanks.

My Candy washing machine and dryer is about seven years old and has stopped working. It loads and water goes in, then it just sits there. The dial moves round but it doesn't wash or spin, and then the water empties and the cycle finishes. I've had the back off and the belt is still on OK, and I can't see any loose connections. I wondered if it is the thermostat, but surely, the machine would still spin if it was just that? What could be the problem. Basically, I need to know if it would be economic to call out a man to fix it, or should I simply buy another one on ebay? Any ideas most welcome. Thanks people.

I'd like to know because a friend of mine recently got married to a nice guy, but she says that she will always have feelings for the man who was her first time, even though it was only once. Do all girls feel this way? As a man, I don't feel this way. Is it something only women feel, do you think? Have your feelings changed over time?

You know when you're really happy and it all seems to be going right for you, do you ever get that feeling that it's all going to go wrong at any second? Why?

I'm in love with an American and I'm an Englishman, do you think it could ever work? I mean culturally, we're just so different....

What would that mean to you? I think I have found mine, someone so special they just seem to instinctively understand me and love me as I love them. If you found yours, what would it mean to you?

I mean, last couple of weeks I've had only a 50/50 chance that Yahoo Mail will actually present a page I can read whenever I log onto my mail - sometimes it flickers then I get an Error 999 message. This seems to be getting worse! Anyone else having the same problems or have I got a new type of virus? Strange that it's only Yahoo, my other emails accounts are fine. I would complain to Yahoo, but I can't use their complaints system either as that is down too. Seems like they have a big problem, but I wonder what they're doing about it as it's been weeks now, plenty of time to address the problem.

Just been enjoying the film "Snakes on a Plane" again, and there's a moment where the cabin steward puts a snake in the microwave. I could have sworn that there was a button on the microwave alongside "chicken" and other buttons, that said "snake", which he pressed and "start" to explode the snake. Great moment, but did I imagine it? I wasn't taping the film so had no way of re-winbding it to check. Anyone out there see this visual gag too? Hope you can help guys....It's a great film BTW, though not to be taken seriously. Oh and it confuses poisonous snakes with venomous ones, which are rather different, but then it is Hollywood!

This Q was prompted by Meatloaf singing he'd do anything for love, but he won't do that!

OK, so let's assume you're a girl and you've been with your boyfriend/husband for several years and everythings great in bed, but there's one thing you wouldn't do for him - what would that be?

Inventive and humorous answers also accepted, as well as serious ones!

I'm mostly interested in what you girls think, but guys might have some ideas too!

Interesting this one: A friend came for advice. He was approached by a girl (27) who needs a visa to stay in the country, and she asked him to marry her to get it. He says he was going to say no as he hadn't met her before, but was so attracted to her he said he'd think about it instead. Thing is, they met for two hours yesterday to discuss this plan and I really think he's falling for her (she is quite attractive!). He showed me her Facebook profile and she seems honest and straightforward and says she is open to a proper relationship with him, that's why she says she approached him (she said he has a kind face and is quite handsome, and is her type). He's 48, single and I think is feeling life has passed him by a bit, then this lovely girl makes him an offer he can't refuse! I've told him he's being a romantic old fool and he'll only end up getting his heart broken...and yet...maybe it could work? Am I being too cynical? What do you guys think?

Take two cases. One is a couple been boyfriend and girlfriend for, say, four years. The other a married couple for four years, no kids. They get along, but the spark has died and although there is no great reason to break up (no abuse etc) there seems to be no reason to stay together either. I've noticed most people here would say to the first couple, find yourself another prospective partner - fair enough, as I assume people would want to marry a partner they are still in love with in a deep and passionate way! But would your advice be different if they were married? And why?

This question is just prompted 'cos some pri@k got really wound up at some answer I gave, but it's not unusual, I can see loads of Mr Angry type of Q&A's. Why ask a question if you're gonna get so heated about the answers? Some people here ask dumb questions (see my previous question!) and some give dumb answers, that's just the nature of a free speech forum, why get so het up about it (and yes, I realise some jerk will inevitably give this question a dumb answer, so I'm going to ignore any obviously infantile ones!)? Do you think they just have no idea about how to use this type of forum, or are they the sort of people Darwin would say should have left the gene pool?

This question is prompted by a guy I was counselling. I gave him my advice, but afterwards wondered if I was right, so I'm curious to know what you guys think!

He's been married 12 years and to the outside world they look happy, but he's always had a roving eye and in all the 12 years he's never been faithful for long. His wife didn't know. She's a pillar of the local community, churchgoer, etc - a thoroughly good woman, and as far as I could tell a good wife too, never denied him sex, good cook, kept house and worked in a reasonable job, though money was tight as he gambled a bit and was in and out of sales jobs all his life (though he always took care of his bills and family, don't want to make him out to be reckless). Anyway, he came to me 'cos he'd got to the stage of thinking he should leave his wife but he wanted to know if they should make one last go of it. He says he no longer loves her, the sex is once a month, and he's been talking to girls on the internet. He'd had his last affair a year ago, his wife had found out and forgiven him and they were trying to make a go of it, but, he said, his problem was that he just couldn't see himself being with her in ten year's time, or even next year, and perhaps it was best to make a decision and leave her. He also said that at least two of the girls (of course they are much younger than his wife!) would happily marry him instead and he was sure he'd be happier with them if he did (he didn't explain how he'd got two to say this!).

Now my advice was to stay in the marriage and see if it could be made to work as A.She still loved him and had forgiven him and is still willing to make it work, B. They could work on the sex bit, C. They are religious, so have a God-given reason to stay together, D. Money is tight and a divorce would make that worse, E. 12 years is a long time to just throw out a marriage. F. Things aren't that bad, as it's not like they're fighting or can't stand each other, so maybe he will fall back into love with her.

Unfortunately, he took the view that if he didn't love his wife now he never would again and surely it was prolonging a dying marriage to pretend he loved her when he didn't.

I found myself arguing that he should stay in a marriage where he doesn't love her but she loves him, simply because there was no great reason to part, and I'm not sure that's the position I should be defending. What do you guys think?