Doofy

She was trying to get back at the Pepsi people for dropping her as spokesperson.

WHO TELLS THIS JOKE!?!?!?

So, I met this girl on a dating website and she's really cute, lives nearby me and we have mutual friends that we never knew about. I don't know much about her other that that though. I want to make a good impression on her and, if everything goes well, would love to kiss her at the end of the night.

So, my question for straight girls out there is this. How would you want to be approached by a guy you just met online? Would you want him to just be nice, polite, and himself? Or would you rather he put moves on you and was more assertive. I don't want to come off as weak to this girl and I also don't want to come off as a jerk. So, what would your ideal experience be?

Every detail counts and I need all the advice I can get, so thanks in advance.

As we all well know, ocean levels are supposedly rising at a rate of a few centimeters a year. So, within a hundred years, that means roughly 3 vertical meters (9 feet) of coastline will disappear. Panama is a low-lying area (sea level), which means much of the land nearby will be consumed by the sea. Not to mention, the levies will break and so forth. This could separate the continents of Central and South America completely. This means no bridges to and from the separate continents. Only by air or boat will you be able to cross. Not only will this create more jobs, it will call for a whole new industry in the region supported by ferries and small planes used solely to shuttle passengers across the widening gap.

Your thoughts?

Long story short, so my friends and I were playing basketball and this dude Bryan, not really my friend, got aggro on my friend Thom and accidentally cut his dick off I guess. It must have been a really hard hit cause his dick got cut off and one of his balls fell out his scrotum. I didn't see it happen I was with my friend Nick running track when this went down. But what should we do, he's bleeding apparently and we have his dick we just need to re attach it at the doctors. Any tips?

It's early and I'm tired of drinking beer. Beer makes me tired. I have a whole bottle of Maker's Mark whiskey here, and I want to drink in the least gross way possible. I hate the taste but love the feeling. What should I do? Please give me detailed tips because I'll read every one of them!

Obnoxious and irritating things to do to passersby on city streets. Nothing illegal, just really annoying and how to get good reactions.

SO this is my situation. I, a dude in his early 20's, am debating whether i should smoke weed before I go to a Giants game. I'm taking the train up, so driving won't be an issue. I'm meeting my girlfriend at the ballpark and we're gonna watch the game together. I used to smoke weed regularly, stopped for a few years, and now have been smoking around once a week. Is this a good idea? What would you do and why?

I'm wondering if there has ever been a species of canine that was as big as, say, a lion or tiger. I want to know why, in parts of Africa and Asia, are there "big cats" but not "big dogs"? What is the biggest canine to have ever walked the Earth? Are solitary animals generally larger in size than those who live as pack animals? Does this have to do with "strength in numbers"?

This is a very scientific question, I know.

I want to know if ever in the course of human history, dogs and cats have mated and made babies. I don't mean like in the house next door, but ever in history. I want to know if Cat-Dog has ever come true? I sure hope not, but still answers are appreciated.

I'm in my fifth year out of high school, and I have messed up so badly in college that I feel like I don't know what to do anymore.

My freshman year of college, I went to Cal Poly SLO and flunked all my classes. I maybe passed 12 units my freshman year.

Ever since then I've been going to community colleges on and off like Cuesta College and Foothill.

I almost have enough units to get an AA and transfer. I only need 15 more units.

However...this quarter, Winter 2013, I have been doing so badly in all my classes. I'm not dumb but I'm lazy and stubbornly won't do my classwork unless I want to for some reason. I'm taking English 1A, Math 105 and Business Law 18.

What should I do, there I 4 weeks in the quarter so I might be able to bring my grades up?

Some people think everything is chance. They don't live life with much emotion, and take a more rational, cut and dry perspective. Others live a more spiritually guided life, and think of their interactions as meaningful or powerful in some way.

This does not specifically have to do with religion, but could be similar.

What end of the spectrum are you on, and why do you think you are right?

Logic and Reason ------>>>> Spirit and Emotion

And my girlfriend loves that they're so big, she always tells me how much of a man I am. My girlfriend loves my big balls. But how big is too big?

My girlfriend and I are both 22 y.o. and we want to go out for NYE and get schwasty. What are the best clubs in San Francisco for people our age to go to? We want to celebrate with other twenty-somethings and we don't have a lot of money. We also would rather not celebrate in the mission or ghettoville.

Snakc pack? Fruit rool ups? Maybe you like Wheaties in a plastic bag?

For years, why don't we have all the medals in the olympics! Uh, we should be up there on the gold in every single category! Come on, don't you want to win gold in table tennis this year? Keepsakes and all, wouldn't it be worth it to train in these other sports? This should be our year to claim every gold medal there is at the olympics.

Ulterior motives aside, why aren't we winning hands down?

One time in my home country, England, my family and I were running low on food. We had to eat something, or else my little sister would have certainly perished. In this case, we decided to feast upon our family goat, Soo. My father slit his throat and skinned him, then we drained him of all his blood and baked him over a fire. He was nearly 4 at the time, but I was lucky and got the ears! I haven't seen a happier goat till this day when I am on the farm. They think I will eat them too!

Seriously, call this question dumb but imagination has been sung about in a few very popular rock songs in the past.

The fact that two humans speaking Espanol can speak and totally bewilder any English speaker, yet understand each other completely, is incredible. The world is a huge place (or was, until the rise of the internet) and there have probably been hundreds of thousands of languages spoken since humans began uttering words. Languages and how I could never express this thought in any other language but English is pretty strange.

I remember a rumor that was going around a while back that our great forefather G. Wash had teeth made of wool. Is this ture? Why were his teeth gone in the first place?

Try it now. Does it work? Or does this word seem a little...special?

What if you're a clone! And your clone lives in Belgium!