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dteacher1uk

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  • Is this a critical twist in the McCann case? Your comments please?

    In Sol on August 4, 2007:

    A report by Felicia Cabrita with Margarida Davim

    translation

    Looking for Maddie’s body

    The investigations have returned to their initial course. Portuguese and British police search for the body of the child in the surroundings of Praia da Luz. “There are strong signs” that Madeleine, the English child that disappeared from Praia da Luz almost one hundred days ago, “is dead”, police sources have told Sol. The 180º turnaround that the investigation by the Policia Judiciaria (PJ) from Portimao seems to have done in the past few days, even led the Attorney General, Pinto Monteiro, to postpone the making of an interview that had been requested by British media chain BBC – an interview that would be focusing on the fact that, so long after Maddie’s disappearance, the authorities still remain without real clues concerning her whereabouts. Although an official source from the PGR justified the postponing of the interview with “agenda issues”, the moves by the PJ and some elements from the British police during these last days – accompanied by two dogs, in Praia da Luz – seem to indicate that the investigation is now centred on the McCann family and their group of friends. Sol could find out that the English dogs are trained for different tasks. One, to detect human remains originating from dead flesh, and the other one to detect human blood or fluids. A specialist that was contacted by Sol explains that the technique of these animals rests on scientific bases, and that while “one of the dogs can distinguish between natural death or death by accident that does not involve bloodshed, the other one can diagnose whether someone died a violent death, with bloodshed or other spilled fluids”.

    Tuesday night, a black and white cocker spaniel that is trained to detect death, spent several hours in the apartment that the McCann family occupied in the Ocean Club resort, and from where Maddie disappeared on May 3. According to sources within the investigation, the dog marked the death of the child inside the apartment.

    On the dogs’ trail

    The English dogs do not contradict the clues that were detected by the sniffer dog that GNR sent to the location, on the day following the English girl’s disappearance. It’s an animal that only follows odours, and that “detected the movement of the child from the room to another point inside the apartment”, according to a source with the Guarda. The same source said that “based on that signal, it was not possible to conclude whether the child was alive or dead – because a sniffer dog will smell both the living and the dead”.

    Yet, outside the house, both through the windows that faced the Tapas restaurant – where the McCanns had dinner with their seven friends – and through the main door, “the dog lost the trail, as if the child had exited, for example, rolled up in a blanket”, that source said. A team from Sol, on the terrain for the last two weeks, could observe the work of the cocker spaniel from the British police, performing several diligences along the water in Praia da Luz and in a nearby valley.

    The animal’s path, on Wednesday night, seemed to test the deposition from several witnesses that were heard by the PJ in late May – namely an Irish family that have been living in Luz, and who, on the day that Maddie vanished, reportedly crossed ways with a man that carried a child that seemed to be asleep. According to their deposition to PJ, Martin Smith, his wife and his children, after leaving the Kelly bar, which is located approximately 400 metres from the Ocean Club, around 9.50 / 10.00 p.m., saw an individual described as Caucasian, measuring 1.70 – 1.75 m, walking towards the beach. The Irish man told Sol that he knew Robert Murat (the only arguido in the process) visually for years – and also remembered seeing the Anglo Portuguese man in a bar that evening, “already a bit intoxicated”. Therefore, the Irish dismissed the possibility that the person he saw carrying a child could be Murat: “If it was him, I guarantee to you that I would have recognized him”.

    Concerning the clothes the man he saw on that night was wearing, Smith only refers the “beige trousers”, given the fact that his upper body was hidden by the child’s body, which was not covered. It is curious that one of the elements that formed the group of Maddie’s parents’ friends, guaranteed to PJ several days before Smith was heard, that - at a moment when she left the table to check on the group’s children - she had crossed ways with a man that was wearing trousers that fit the description that was also made by the Irish man.

    That individual was also carrying a sleeping child. And the witness, who even managed to see what pyjamas the child was wearing, just “thought it was strange that the child was barefoot and uncovered”. This witness said it would be 9.15 p.m.

    Direct access to the PM

    According to the course the PJ from Portimao is now conducting the investigation, and considering the trail that the British police’s cocker spaniel tracked along the sea shore, the individual would have descended to Praia da Luz, where he could have disposed of Maddie’s body. Sol knows that the English team contacted Joao Alveirinho Dias, a professor at the University of Algarve and a specialist in oceanography, in order to collect information about the sea’s dynamics and the beach area where everything may have happened. The investigator, who was not briefed about the context of the police inquiries, told Sol that he was consulted on “the sand movements, where they come from and where they go to”. The police investigation has therefore, and according to our sources, returned to its initial course, and it becomes increasingly clear, as Sol had reported previously, that there is no proof against Murat.

    Yet, the British media continue to point a finger at the Anglo Portuguese man, although the criminal investigation has returned to clues that relate to the group of friends of Madeleine’s parents. A journalist with the Daily Express – who has repeatedly contacted Sol searching for new information on this case – recognized this week that it is “difficult for an English newspaper to adopt a critical tone concerning Madeleine’s parents”. The Daily Express cited, in one of its last reports, the news that has been published by Sol, describing them as a “hate campaign” against the McCanns. The same journalist ended up confessing, “It’s the only way we can transmit your data”.

    Sol knows that Gerry McCann has regular contact with Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister. Clarence Mitchell – who was the first spokesman for the McCanns and is now in the press cabinet at Nr. 10, Downing Street – confirms those contacts. “I know there is a communication line between Gerry and Gordon Brown. I know they talk. But I don’t know what they talk about, because those are informal conversations”, he clarified, further adding: “The Madeleine case is treated whenever there are bilateral meetings between Portugal and the United Kingdom. Gordon Brown is sensitive to the case and wants it solved quickly”.

    7 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • Just when you thought it was safe.....?

    You didn't REALLY believe that Piltdown Man had gone from these shores forever, DID YOU ??

    He appears to have resurfaced as Sam J....here is an extract from one of his recent answers, which in true Total Pits style, he copies and pastes onto other 'answers' he gives...lol

    Check out his other questions and answers, if you require further proof......cue the 'Jaws' music.....

    '....99.9999% of people support and sympathise with the McCanns. The hate campaigners are perhaps 3 or 4 scary wackos out of 60,000,000 UK population.

    I am horrified by the anti McCann hate campaign.There has been over 1000 hate campaign "questions"by a group of scary wackos, or perhaps a 2 or 3 scary wackos with multi accounts. These people need medical attention......'

    .

    10 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • McCanns - are secret meetings being held or are some just PARANOID?

    I read a question tonight about a journalist 'deserving' an award and I have to say that I fell about laughing, although it was posted by someone who …well, let’s not go there. Anyway, Triptipper provided a link to a previous post of mine. A couple of other people have e-mailed me to say that I should post it again to give it a wider audience and to ask people if they recognised anyone (or even themselves) in the 'story'. It came about because of a little group of troublemakers constantly abusing and threatening any man, woman, dog or cuddle cat that dared to voice an opinion which suggested that the McCann parents did not deserve to win 'Parents of the Year'

    So, without further ado and with a couple of subtle additions, here you go....there is a question, for those of a pedantic nature...it's in the title.

    Are you sitting comfortably?

    Then allow me to begin...

    ‘Twas a dark and stormy night in Middenraken, a quaint little village, just outside the border of Gallarothries. The moon could just be seen, peeking out from behind large, threatening clouds and the little light that shone through barely lit up the ‘Tuff Guys Inc.’ hostel. A hunched, dark figure was barely visible as he scurried across the courtyard carrying his satchel full of the latest BNP policy booklets (The writer apologises to the figure as he would object to being called ‘dark’ in view of his political allegiances).

    ‘Total Pitsss…Total Pitssssss. Pssssst!’ a voice whispered from out the darkness.

    ‘Wh…Who is it?’ asked the ‘lightly shaded’ figure (That should be ok)

    ‘S’me, you muppet…get over ‘ere fast!’

    ‘Ah, Roofus, how goes it, brother?

    ‘Don’t call me your brother, you loser. Tell me quickly, did you get it?’

    ‘Woofie, I did ma best, but….well, just as I was going to write his address down, that Dteecher bloke caught me writing in the diary and took my crayon off me…’

    ‘Damn it! I HATE that Daveed and the other people who don’t agree with us. First that Tipper gal proves too much for Jiminy and now, you fail abjectly as wel…Havie is nomore as well, she’s gone and left Jiminy because he disagreed with her racist views – what are we to do?’

    ‘Aaaaw, Woooooooofie, kanna ya jus let it go?’

    ‘You really are the Total Pits man…I can’t just go on lettingitbe, ya know’

    ‘Well, I did see quite a few of them at the meet, Woofie…there was dat Rosette there, and dat Fannella and dat Clairol Belt gurl and dat Chriss guy and dat Georgina woman and dat Skorpionbabette – they all came in a Carr which must have been bought in 2001 ‘cos it said Car51 on the number plate. Oh yeah, Woofie, Woooofie, lissen to this…the Social Services were there too!!!’

    ‘Is that it? I thought you told me there were more of ‘em?’

    ‘Yeah, yeah, there were, honest guv. Some guy called Murkia – he just kept smiling as if he was dead happy like. I think it was ‘cos that fairiefromEire was sat next to him. They were all drinking that drink…Bex or Becks…I forget…spit…oh, there was a bee there as well, she looked really busy.’

    ‘How do you know the bee was a she, Total Pits?’

    ‘Well, everyone kept calling her Honey ‘n er..erm..n e way, there were loads of others, I were reel scared they were gonna recognise me – in fact, a few times people screwed their noses up ‘n looked in my direction and I fink dat Neglekt bloke mentioned sumfink about a swamp but I think I got away wiv it, boss’

    ‘Yeah, but you didn’t get his friggin address…we can’t send the boys in unless we hav that, haven’t you got a brain? No, don’t answer that…’

    ‘ Well, I do keep trying Constancely, but it’s juss no’ happenin, Woooofie.’

    ‘Right forget it…looks like we are being outwitted and outclassed here AND it’s just started raining! Aaaargggh’

    ‘Here boss, put this on….’

    ‘What planet are you on? Saturn 6? Don’t you think I’ve got enough on my plato?’

    ‘Woofie, it’ll stop ya hair from gerrin wet…’

    ‘Why, what is it?’

    …….

    ‘ It’s a bluebobblehat’

    ………………Good night and remember, sweet dreams….are full of calories. xx

    16 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • An article in the TIMES about the McCann case - INTERESTING?

    This article by Stefanie Marsh appeared in the Times - I hope this link works but I am also reproducing parts of it below.... finally a journalist starts to question the mass, mawkish hysteria of the British public ....

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnist...

    ……..My mood doesn’t do a U-turn every time Cuddle Cat is mentioned on ITV News. I care, of course I care, it would be inhuman not to, but if you really want to know, I think the public references to a private thing such as a child’s soft toy are in poor taste, as are the overfamiliar abbreviation of the girl’s name to bring us closer to the scene of this wretched mystery. Worse than the abbreviations are the people who correct the abbreviators: “It’s Madeleine, not Maddy. That’s what the parents call her,” in an offended tone as if they know her, or have been personally affected. People talk about “feeling the McCanns’ pain”, but we do not………..Where the welfare of a child is concerned one must, in Britain, now be obsessed – especially when there is a whiff of abuse. And not merely obsessed but hysterically, visibly, mawkishly so. Once you are obsessed, it is necessary to wear your hysteria on your sleeve. Or, as MPs did with yellow ribbons, on your lapel. More important still is the need to reassure yourself that everybody else feels the same. That the vicarious worrying is not just normal behaviour but required. There is a tyranny here………………Misery Lit, ie, memoirs of child abuse, “have emerged as the liveliest new category of books”, reports The Bookseller.Five to ten of these books come out every month. A high-ranking publisher friend tells me that the books’ lurid titles are made up at brain-storming meetings before the manuscript has been seen or in some cases, written.

    So we have: Please Daddy, No; A Child Called “It”; Don’t Tell Mummy: A True Story of the Ultimate Betrayal; A Girl Called Karen: A True Story of Sexual Abuse and Resilience; and Damagedto name a handful. The stand-out Mis Lit success story, Sickened: The True Story of a Lost Childhood, has sold 500,000 copies. Of the top 100 bestselling paperbacks in 2006, 11 were misery memoirs; with total sales of 1.9 million copies.

    Why are these books so popular? Like the McCann case they deliver a predictable emotional charge and allow the reader to experience a strong sense of vicarious self-pity.

    17 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • Surely not ?? Could this be true ?? The loving McCanns?

    I read this on the Sky News website, purportedly from a resident of the Algarve....

    Sorry about this, but it's time someone said something that the locals of Luz haven't said before for fear of upsetting their neighbours, the McCanns. I know FOR A FACT that the twins and Madeleine were being put to bed and BEING LEFT TO CRY night after night. Neighbours in the apartment block where they were staying heard the children crying "daddy, daddy" for several nights, after the parents went out to dinner at 7.30 and didn't get back home till 12.30 am. The staff in the restaurant will confirm the parents didn't leave the restaurant all night. They weren't checking on the children every half an hour... it's a lie. The local residents and holidaymakers in the apartments were aware that the children were left alone every evening, so it was an open invitation for someone with intent to do something to a child. The police should be looking for someone who either lives, works, or was on holiday, in the very near vicinity. Maybe that person had a hire car, took Maddie away in that, then dropped her out, returned the hire car and flew home the next day. I don't believe she has been sold. Nor do I believe the "paedophile ring" story. I believe she's still in the Algarve... probably not far from Luz. Most residents here think the same. This was a crime committed by someone nearby who heard her crying and took the opportunity. Did the police check the lixo bins, (those big green rubbish skips in every road) or the place where the rubbish goes when the bins are emptied? Sorry to say it, but people dump dogs, cats, chickens, even sheep in those. So why not a child?

    My heart bleeds for the McCanns, but more so for little Maddy, who was failed by the people she loved. I hope and pray that she gets found.

    Posted by: A local resident, Algarve 2 Jun 2007 22:54:58

    27 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • Laugh? I nearly CRIED with laughter...what do you think?

    Claire N, that staunch 'supporter' of all things McCann, launched into her usual tirade of insults on a post insulting any man, woman, dog or cuddle cat that has ever dared to speak out against her beloved Kate and Gerry. She then chose a 'Best Answer' to her question and posted the following as a thank you and comment.

    '..............It certainly looks as though we're in the minority here doesn't it! Thankfully, Yahoo Answers is representative of the general population.....'

    Lol - do you believe that she has finally come to her senses or regrettably, did she just omit the word 'not' before representative in her haste ?

    Personally, I believe that her hands knew the truth so typed the truth and chose to ignore what her 'brain' wanted her to write...lol

    18 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • Interesting blog from Gerry after the visit....?

    Here is an excerpt...all sane, relevant and fair comments welcome. Let's just say that I find it quite telling.....as in indicative of his priorities.......

    Today has gone as well as we could possibly imagine.

    We woke around 7.15am and got ourselves ready. There was a lovely continental breakfast prepared but both Kate and I ate very little due to nerves. We left the Embassy just after 9.00am and stopped en route to the Vatican, at Piazza Pia for a photo opportunity with St Peters in the distance. I made a very short statement regarding our forthcoming visit and expressed my gratitude to Francis Campbell, the British Ambassador to the Vatican, and his staff for making us feel as if we were part of their family.

    We arrived in plenty of time for the Papal audience and were delighted to find we were seated in the ?Prima Fila?- the first row. Clarence, Francis and Monsingneur Charlie Burns, a colourful Glaswegian who teaches at the seminary and looks after the Ambassador?s spiritual well being were seated immediately behind us. It was extremely sunny and I have to admit that Kate and I were struggling somewhat with the heat in our dark suits but Francis rescued us with an umbrella and some water and following that some heavy cloud rolled in, cooling us down.

    The atmosphere in St Peter?s square was almost carnival like with up to 35,000 people there to see the Pope. He did not disappoint, driving slowly around the crowd in his open jeep, waving cheerfully

    23 AnswersCurrent Events1 decade ago
  • ONE of their FRIENDS ??? Can this really be given much credence??

    Here is an excerpt from an article on Sky News...

    '....On the evening of May 3rd, one of their friends who was on holiday with them in the Algarve had seen a man carrying what appeared to be a child, outside the McCann's apartment....'

    Do you give much credence to this?

    13 AnswersOther - News & Events1 decade ago
  • Easy as 1, 2, 3. - only star if you like it...lol?

    An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually. He visits his doctor and tries various medications but nothing seems to work. The doctor finally refers him to an American Indian ‘medicine man’.

    The medicine man says, "I can cure this, no problem..."

    He throws a white powder into a flame, resulting in a flash with billowing blue smoke. He advises, "This is powerful healing BUT you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

    The old guy asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "You or your partner must say 1234, and it will go down. BUT be warned, it will not work again for another year."

    The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After that, he gets into bed, lies next to his wife in eager anticipation and slowly says…….

    "123."

    Suddenly he has the most gigantic e_rection he has ever had, exactly as the medicine man had promised! His wife, who has been facing away from him, turns over and asks………..

    ‘What did you say 123 for?’

    23 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.... repeat airing. Only star IF you smile.?

    Our hero rides into town and stops at the only saloon there for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. By the time he finishes his drink, he finds that his horse has been stolen.

    He comes back into the bar, flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yells manfully, glancing around the room.

    No one answers.

    "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I done back in Texas and believe ya me, I don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!"

    Some of the locals shift restlessly.

    He has another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asked, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?"

    Our hero turns back and quietly says…………

    "I had to walk home!"

    15 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • ''Have you got any I.D. ?? Repeat for those that missed it...lol?

    .

    A man speaks frantically into the phone.......

    "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

    "No, you idiot!" the man shouts..........

    "This is her husband!"

    14 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.......?

    Our hero rides into town and stops at the only saloon there for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. By the time he finishes his drink, he finds that his horse has been stolen.

    He comes back into the bar, flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yells manfully, glancing around the room.

    No one answers.

    "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I done back in Texas and believe ya me, I don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!"

    Some of the locals shift restlessly.

    He has another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asked, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?"

    Our hero turns back and quietly says…………

    "I had to walk home!"

    18 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • A tear in your eye........?

    Last week I was taking a shortcut through the park when I chanced upon an old man (must have been in his eighties or nineties) sitting on a bench with his head in his hands sobbing his poor heart out.

    I sat down next to him and asked him what troubled him and why he was crying so openly. The old gent replied, ‘ Well, two years ago, I won 25 million on the lottery. I now have three large houses in 2 different countries with 4 swimming pools, 6 limousines all chauffeur driven, and 12 months ago, I met a stunning, sexy, young lady. 6 months ago, we got married. She does everything for me and when I say everything, I mean anything. She is always by my side at home and never even looks at another man. She’s at home now probably getting ready for me!’

    I could not understand his sorrow, so I asked him gently ‘Sir, why are you so sad then? Surely, this is not a reason to shed tears?’

    The old gent turned slowly and faced me and spoke quietly through the tears……

    ‘I can’t remember where I live…’

    17 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • Another repeat if you've missed it - long but please read - IT'S FUNNY !!!?

    A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:

    "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.’’

    The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

    The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

    The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

    A few months later, the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:

    "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

    The next day the grandmother died. ‘Oh my goodness!’ thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:

    "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

    He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

    When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

    He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

    She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

    11 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • 'Goodbye Letter'....people liked this yesterday....do you??

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

    "Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than

    I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Love,

    John.

    P.S. Dad, None of the above is true….I'm over at Tommy's house…..I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my centre desk drawer….Please call me when it is safe for me to come home. xxxx.

    17 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • What's that line that Doctors love to use.........lol.?

    A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.

    "What took you so long to answer?"

    "I was in bed."

    "What were you doing in bed this late?"

    "Getting a second opinion."

    12 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • Shoot not to kill policy............?

    A young lady was filling her tank at a petrol/gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs warned against it. Suddenly, the fumes that came out of the petrol/gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands and, catching her sleeve, the flames also set fire to her arm !!

    Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

    A police car was at the junction/intersection where it happened and the officer took one look at her and her burning arm and…………..shot her.

    The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

    When later questioned about his course of action, the officer said………….

    "My only thought was to stop her………..After all………….she was waving a fire-arm."

    9 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • Goodbye Letter ??

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

    "Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than

    I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Love,

    John.

    P.S. Dad, None of the above is true….I'm over at Tommy's house…..I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my centre desk drawer….Please call me when it is safe for me to come home. xxxx.

    15 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • Thou shalt not covet....?

    Drunken confession?

    Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm.

    One drunk says to the other drunk, “Did you sleep with my wife last night?”

    To which the other drunk replies......

    “Not a wink.”

    11 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago
  • My friend has an Audio version of this and it is SOOOOO funny...?

    (Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)

    One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma *****. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma *****. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma *****. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma *****. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma *****. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma *****. I gonna back to Italy''

    9 AnswersJokes & Riddles1 decade ago