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God was fed up hearing Jesus and Lucifer arguing over who was better on the computer so he set them a challenge. Spreadsheets, databases, word processing, filing, renaming, you name it, it was in there.

The deadline for the challenge was three hours. After two hours 50 minutes, there was an enormous crack of thunder across the whole of heaven and both computers went dead.

Lucifer was livid. He banged the monitor and started pulling around the wires at the back of his machine, all the while swearing every swear word ever heard.

Finally, the power came back on.

"GONE!" Lucifer screamed. "All my work gone."

Suddenly, next to him, the printer whirred into life and all of Jesus' documents started printing.

"What? Jesus must be cheating."

"He didn't cheat," replied God."

"Then how did he do that?"

God just shrugged his shoulders.

"Jesus saves!"

eBay have just pulled a listing of mine for what I'm thinking is no good reason at all.

I have a static caravan I want to hire out over Easter (I'm working so can't use it) but didn't want to put fixed dates down, more use this listing for information purposes and let people mail me with what days they wanted so I could see if those days were free.

On the listing, I made it very clear that once all questions had been answered by both parties regarding the hire, I would make a special eBay listing for that person to Buy It Now and complete the transaction.

For this reason, I asked for people not to bid on the auction but eBay have pulled it saying I am trying to circumvent fees.

I'm not! In fact, because I will have to list the Buy It Now, eBay will be making more money in fees from me than they would have done if the auction had been allowed to run its course.

Why can't I post an information listing then put in a proper listing which I can suit to the buyer?

This one will probably turn into a rant so for that, I apologise in advance but I am absolutely spitting feathers about what I found out today regarding Statuatory Paternity Pay (SPP) from this "government"

By the way, I always put "government" in quotes because to do otherwise would suggest I believe they are fit to govern which they most certainly are not.

My wife gave birth to our first child Tuesday morning. I, wanting to support her while she was in labour and be there for the birth started my paternity leave that same day.

Today, I get a phone call from my employer telling me, quite correctly that SPP can only be paid in FULL weeks. This means that never mind that SPP is 1/3 of my regular wage (because we don't need more money with a new baby, that would be silly), but it means I won't even get it for the four days I was off work last week. I mean, why would I want to be around for the first four days of my daughters life?!

Shockingly, it's not a homework question. It's been 15 years since I did this kind of thing at school and I just can't get my head around it.

The equation is M = 10.86(D-t)t and I need to find out what t is. I have M and D.

Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Save my job!

What is says. One day last week, I came to work wearing only a shirt, my trousers and my shoes. No socks or pants.

By the way, I'm male but I'd be interested to hear both sexes on this one.

Do any of you lot out there ever do the same?

What is says in the title really. Having recently heard absolutely abysmal "cover" of Alanis Morisette's brilliant "Uninvited" recently, not mentioning absolutely anything by Cats Being Strangled (sorry, Girls Aloud), I was wondering how others feel about covers of songs.

Are there any covers that are better than the original or should modern artists stick to writing their own material?

Hey everyone. I'm at work, I'm bored and a colleague has said she'll play dare swapping (she does one, I'll do one etc.) contest but I've drawn a blank.

Now, we're both married so nothing rude and definitely nothing that will get either of us fired.

I know that doesn't leave us with a lot of options lol but I'm running short of ideas already and hope you lot can help me out here!

Now, this may turn into a rant but I'd like the opinions of others, especially those from the US if they happen to be on the site.

Does anyone else think that US television is only for the lowest and dumbest people out there?

The reason I ask if that I could name a long list of shows including, but not limited to Jake 2.0, Futurama, Tru Calling, Dead Like Me, Firefly and most recently, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip which were all brilliant, well thought out shows with solid three dimensional characters, a good plot and a long term story arc but were cancelled because they were never given a chance to get the ratings they deserved. Whether, in the case of Firefly and Dead Like Me because they were thrown around the network schedule, badly advertised and positioned to fail or because, like Futurama, was expected to be The Simpsons 2, something it could never be.

More....

I am trying to design a website and I have it mostly in place but the one thing I haven't sorted yet is how to keep the url in the address bar if the page goes to the 404, which tells them to check what they typed in.

I know I can do it with frames if I want the whole site to do it but I want it to stay as "websitename.com/typedurl.htm" rather than "websitename.com/404.htm"

Any ideas anyone?

Short and simple version. I work with this woman who I know is cheating on her husband with at least 2 other people.

I don't know him that well. We meet at work social events and he seems like thoroughly nice bloke (who frankly deserves much better than her) but since I know this, am I honour bound to tell him what I know or leave him in blissful ignorance?

At work, we have new service and protocols that mean all images are blocked. You name it, we don't get it.

This means that everything is displayed as the "alt" section of the image command.

While this is fine and workable for most part, it does mean that although the message header appears, there is no body shown at all.

Is there any way to turn Yahoo Mail into plain text throughout?

Having spent the weekend having a sort out of a few things, I now find myself with a few clothes that I know I will never wear again. I'm all for taking them to the charity shop but wondered if there was anything I could do with them around the house first.

We're just talking about a few old t-shirts, shirts, pair of jeans, that sort of thing.

So, any ideas from anyone?

The reason I ask is that I recently purchased a static mobile home on a campsite full of them and holiday chalets and I love it.

On site there is only a small arcade and a shop. There's hardly any pets and I've only seen 3 children. It's also only 10 minutes walk from the beach and 20 minutes from the main town.

Now, the reason I ask is that this, for me is ideal. It's less than half an hours drive from work and to get the "away from it all" feeling, there's only one thing better but I'm not telling you what or you'll all want to come join me there! lol

However, I want to know if you lot out there think it might be worth advertising on eBay / local paper etc. to rent it out. I'm not totally sure I want to do so to complete strangers but for a bit of extra money, I like the idea.

So, is this anyone else's idea of a good holiday or are you all looking for something more like a Haven or Pontins where there's lots on site, lots to do and lots to keep you occupied?

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen & which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also & is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop & sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper & buy the shoes! At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse & buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper & you would be OFFSIDE!

Is anyone else having problems connecting to T-Mobile in Norfolk?

After last nights thunderstorm and heavy rain, I can't get a signal or connect to the network, even though I've switched off the phone, taken the battery and sim card out and even used the reset to default setting. I can't even get the emergency use only message!

I sent an e-mail to T-Mobile who say they are experiencing a high demand and I have to wait 5 working days for an answer!

If others are having a problem too, I know it's more likely to be the network / masts than my phone.

I have travelled more than 20 miles to work with no change and am about 8 miles (as the crow flies) from Norwich city centre where I usually get 5 star coverage.

So, anyone?

What is the shortest acceptable FULL sentence in the English language?

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth and so on and so forth. Right, okay, fine. Don't believe myself but I'm not here to judge.

My question is, where did God come from? Did He just pop into existence one day and if so, how? Was He the only one to just suddenly exist? Who were His parents? How did He get His powers?

Belief is a funny thing. I personally do not believe in God. A higher power / Higher powers, yes but not one true God.

To..... assist me in my quest of perhaps finding Him again, perhaps those that DO believe, could answer my question for me.

I went to the zoo the other day but they only had one animal and it was a tiny little dog. My word, it was a sh!t tzu!

Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame, madly in love with Esmerelda, starting ringing the town bell with such vigour that he over balanced and started to fall.

As he did so, his head hit the bell with such force, that it alerted the town folk to trouble.

One of the first men on the scene started looking at him.

"You know him?" asked another villager.

"No," came the reply. "But his face rings a bell!"

Oh, and it gets worse I'm afraid!

A little later on, Quasimodo's brother appeared to take over the bell ringing job of his sibling. He'd barely been doing the task for a day when he too, fell from the bell tower and died.

Again, the villagers came rushing forward and the same man looked upon the deceased.

"You know him?" asked another villager.

"No," replied the man. "But he's a dead ringer for his brother!"

Coming to toy shops soon will be the Chelsea dart board. Apparently there's a lot of bull but no doubles or trebles.

After their Champions League exit, Man Utd sponsor AIG have announced they will continue to sponsor the red side of Manchester but with one small change. AIG will now stand for Almost In Greece.

Leeds Utd have today announced that their new sponsor will be Pampers, When asked why, a spokesperson for the club said, "well, it's because we've got p*ss up the front and s**t at the back!"