Cannibal

What exercises will help my niece do push-ups better? This is a school question, and I told her lifting weights, but they want two answers.

I watched this black and white movie as a kid, but I don't know the name of it. These brains had long tails and would attack people and strangle them with the tails. If anyone knows the name of this movie, please let me know. Thanx.

I have a new transformer for my sub panel at work, and I was wondering how many amps would be available if I have 480 volts going in at 50 amps, and 240/120 volts coming out, with 35 kva. I'm not installing it myself, just wondering how many amps I would have available to work with in my sub panel. Thanx

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him and, as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," then turns to the ostrich."What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I'd just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress then asks, "One other thing, Sir. What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Thanx.

Your fantasy person, the one you have always wanted to be with has told you that you could do what ever you wanted to them, but you only have one hour, and only today.

You’re at their place and he/she is in the shower, and you’re in the bed waiting for them.

You feel some gas coming on, and decide to let it out, but instead you shoot diarrhea all over the sheets.

Question:

You only have TWO options.

1. Go into the bathroom and tell he/she that you just crapped all over the sheets.

2. Get up and leave.

You can't throw away the sheets, and you cannot wash them. You have only the two choices, and remember, this is your fantasy person, and this is your only chance to be with them. What would you do?

Your fantasy person, someone you have always wanted to be with, just told you you could spend one hour with them and do anything you want.

So your in his/her bed and he/she is in the shower. You feel some gas comming on, so you decide to let it out, but instead you shoot diarrhea all over the sheets.

Question:

1. Do you go into the bathroom and tell he/she that you just crapped all over the sheets?

2. Do you get up and leave?

Since we all know that cold doesn't exist, how does the ice cream stay frozen in the freezer?

I know, I just want to see who else knows.

A man drives past a retirement home and sees three of the women residents laying naked on the front yard. When the man goes into the office to complain, the manager explains that the women are retired hookers, and that they decided to have a yard sale.

A man is stranded on a deserted island with only a dog and a donkey. After several years the donkey starts to look good to the man, but every time the man tries anything with the donkey, the dog barks and bites his legs. One day there is a shipwreck and a woman washes ashore without any clothes. The man rushes out to save the woman and she is so gratefull she says "Thank you for saving me. I will do what ever you want, just ask!!" The man thinks a bit and replies "Ok, will you please hold that stupid dog for 10 minutes?"

A man sits at a barstool. Each time before he orders a drink, he looks into his shirt pocket. After watching the man for awhile, the bartender asks him why he does this. The man replies "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket, and when she starts to look good, it's time to go home."

The nut behind the wheel