Par4

Has any one got any ideas. They were ok til about a week ago

I have been reading some of the answers to a question about what job can I get in Japan even though I don't speak the lingo.

Bit part English voice over actor for PC games was one of them.

Please, I can't wait for someone to tell me how I can become PM without any knowledge of politics.

Yours expectantly,

Boris Johnson.

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the road when they come across two men on a bridge.

One man is hanging the other over the edge by his ankles. Paddy asks alarmed. 'What is goin on here'? 'Well', says the man at the top. 'We are fishing, when Jerry gets a fish I haul him up onto the bridge'.

'Ahh Murphy we should be doing that', says Paddy and they set off to find their own bridge to fish from.

They find a bridge not far away and Murphy hangs Paddy over the edge. Two hours go by and Murphy's arms are starting to tire. 'Have you caught anything Paddy'? he calls. 'No not yet' came the reply.

Murphy pulls Paddy up and they swap places. After only ten minutes Murphy shouts 'Paddy, pull me up, pull me up. Paddy says 'Why have you caught some thing'?

'NO THERE'S A F**KING TRAIN COMING'.

Is it true that cockroaches can't stand cucumber?

Can anyone tell me who sings the advert song for Boots.

I can't wait for the new LEON album to reach the shops, can you? What a load of sh*te that will be.

I have just realised that the Welsh albino actually looks the spit of Wallace ( 'Nice cheese Grommit'). Anyone agree?

One christmas when I was little i asked my dad for something to wear and something to play with.

He bought me a pair of trousers and cut the pockets out.

What fun I had.

Is fair trade coffee the dregs that they sweep up after they have filled the Nescafe jars? That's what it tastes like to me.

Does anyone know how many times God is referred to in the Bible? I have a devious little book of facts and I will give 10 pts to the first person to get it right.

I asked a question earlier today regarding the NEW England manager and this is a part of one of the answers. Can anyone tell me what he is trying to say?

What the hell is going on? Apparently the FA have appointed a new England manager. Cap something or other (if he can't speak my language then why should I even try). According to Sky Sports he is bringing a load of I-ties with him. What has football in this country come to. Surely we need someone who can at least speak the language. Sign language on the touch line cannot be good can it? What do you think ( feel free to take the p*** if you are italian or any other nationality).

Every Christmas i take my two girls around the village singing traditional carols, lamps on sticks and all that.. We only ever visit friends and relations and the girls usually end up with about £30 each ( no cut is taken by me for the backing singing). However, a few more people ask us each year to go to their house. The night goes on and they are only young. If you heared two angels singing outside your house on Chrismas eve and it was late what would you do?

They want to put up a wind farm near where i live in Dorset UK. Good on them I say. Yes there are those who say they are an eyesore and those who say that they cause depression and illness. I think that they are a way forward and that they like the ones in Cornwall would become a tourist attraction in their own right. I live 1 mile from where they want to build them. I am sure the Monkeys won't mind either. Wind power, for or against?

Just been to Whare paku, left a Koha for the next Manuhiri. That will be some Nau mai! Not sure if the context is right but the spelling is good.

The mixture of Cheese and cake also garlic and bread have been a source of comedy for peter kaye and has taken hold in our house aswell. But which do you prefer?

I don't get out much and now she wants me to learn to play chess. can anyone tell me where to download the instructions (free as I'm tight aswell)?

Has anyone allowed IM on answers? If you have do you get pestered?

if a ball enters a lateral water hazard but ends up in a covered pipe that crosses the fairway is this a one stroke penalty or a free drop as it is man made