ettezzil

or things you bought on planning to do something that up to now you haven't done a thing ^_^

ever wonder of the things that you do regularly that when you think of it closely, something in it tells that it is useless or you can continue living even when you don't do it?

for me, i can say that she's very good. a real world no. 1

A widow and widower lived next door to each other. They had

been neighbors for over 30 years, but each had lost their

spouse not too long ago. Over a number of weeks, they had

become close. One day, the man asked the woman if she

enjoyed fishing.

Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late

husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a.m. the next

morning. They went down to the river at the time they

decided the next day, and began fishing.

After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They

came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up

or down." Being nice, he wanted to let her decide.

The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes

and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a

while, they redressed and resumed fishing.

Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river.

Again, the man asked, "Up or down," and once again the woman

stripped and another round of passionate sex commenced.

'A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

'For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.

'

'I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Have a Nice Day!

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.

You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your pe nis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your pe nis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by

him and the man immediately gets an ere ction. The woman notices his ere ction,comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an ere ction, it implies you

called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm ere ction lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:

"Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man:"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your s ex?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh it instead."

enjoi ^_^

Have a nice Day!

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad

one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly

neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,

the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a

woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but

fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that

we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for

the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely."

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And

look at this, here's another miracle. My car is

completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good

fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head

in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the

bottle, immediately puts the cork back

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

o O

...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing!

One life saved...

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...

"My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad

one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly

neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,

the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a

woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but

fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that

we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for

the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely."

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And

look at this, here's another miracle. My car is

completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good

fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head

in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the

bottle, immediately puts the cork back

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone

number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked.

"He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his

girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the

call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he

said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he

replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the

past half-hour."

<>~<>~

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans...all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."

enjoy ^_^

Code name is "work". If you receive "work", from your colleagues, your

boss via e-mail or any one else, do not touch "work" under any

circumstances!!

This virus wipes out your private life completely. Put on your jacket

and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub.

Order three beers and after repeating 14 times, you will find that

"work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 close friends.

Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you

are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your

whole life. This virus is deadly, so please pay close attention to it

and take heed.

have a nice weekend ^_^

To all my friends: Thanks to you sending me warnings and chain letters

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they

contain may turn me gay.

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

A blonde female was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad

hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to

the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to

have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe

really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started

blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little

harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into

the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled

her eyes and said... "HELLLLOWW ... You gotta roll up the windowwwws..."

enjoy the weekend ^_^

as for me, still have some gifts to buy and wrap

Merry Christmas!!! Enjoy ^_^